Boyfriend wants me to sign a prenup

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have a boyfriend. We have been together from I was 20.

He comes from a middle-class family. His parents have three homes in St Andrew and they have very good jobs. His parents have two cars. Both parents drive to work. The only time that they drive together is when they are going to a function or church. His parents know me very well. His father told me that he accepts me as the daughter he does not have.

My father is a country farmer. Whenever my boyfriend takes me to the country, my father gives us ground provision to take to his home. My father has several acres of land in the country. My boyfriend’s father says that he is rich but he does not know how to develop the lands that he has to become very wealthy.

I have a sister who is still at home with my parents. She has two children. One day when I just got to know them, my boyfriend’s mother asked me if I had siblings and I told her about my sister. She asked me if she has children and I told her yes. She asked if she was married and I told her no; she did not say anything else. My boyfriend said that she is always asking about me.

My boyfriend and I would love to get married. It would be the joy of my heart to marry this man, but he wants me to sign a prenuptial agreement. I asked him why and he said his parents believe that he and his brother should protect what they have. If I refuse to sign a prenuptial agreement, we might as well break up. I asked him if that means that he would never give me anything and that I would never inherit anything if he should pass on suddenly. This man looked at me and told me that I should not think about death; we should work together and build a future. His parents only want their children to keep what they have in the family.

Don’t you think that they are selfish people and are only pretending that they love me? This man and I have been true lovers. The only thing is that I don’t have a ring on my finger to prove that we are not married. He sleeps with me almost every night and he pays my rent. I am confused. Help me, Pastor. I have a friend who has married a lawyer and I told her what these people want me to do. She told me that her husband told me not to sign a prenuptial agreement.

L.

Dear L.,

If you genuinely love this man and he loves you, and both of you want to get married, you should make your decision.

His parents may have some reason why they have suggested to him that he should ask you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Some years ago, right at the First Baptist Church, I officiated at a wedding and when it was time for the couple to sign the certificate, the groom refused. He was an American white man and the bride was a black Jamaican. The bride’s father stood right there. I couldn’t understand why and the groom said “I am not signing unless you sign this” and he pulled out a document which I discovered was a prenuptial agreement. Evidently they had discussed it and she refused to sign although we had gone through the motion of the ceremony. I said to myself that the man was scared. He trusted neither the woman he got married to, nor her parents.

My suggestion to you is: sign the prenuptial. You are a poor girl; some folks might disagree with me. Looking at your situation, what do you have to lose? Nothing.

Pastor