Mama’s boy doesn’t want a woman with kids

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and my boyfriend is also 30. I am the mother of two children.

My boyfriend does not have children. He is not the runaround type. He is his mother’s pet. Every girlfriend had to be passed by his mother. He has siblings, but they were wild. They had many girlfriends. They used to go out at nights and had fun. This guy did not go out to many places. From high school he went to university. Now he is in a good job. He has always lived at home while his siblings have all left.

Both of us work at the same place. When we started to date, I had to suggest where we should go. I know I sound very rude to you, but this is the truth. After dating this man for six months, I had to tell him that I was ready to know whether he is a man or a woman. This man never had sex and I was the first to have sex with him. I like this guy, but now that I want him to make a commitment to me, he is trying to back out of the relationship on the grounds that he cannot marry a woman who has children. But he knew that I have two children. I have never hidden that.

At my workplace, I talk about my children and I have their photographs in my office. I have found out that it is his mother who has got him to believe that a man should not marry any woman who has children. This guy still wants us to date. For Valentine’s Day, he wanted us to go out and I told him I already had a date. He said I could not do that to him. I told him that I was not doing anything wrong to him, but if I continue to go out with him, he will be standing in my way of getting a man who would marry me.

This is a nice guy, but he cannot think on his own. His mother controls him. That is something she could not do with her other children. This man does not even have his own account. His mother’s name is on it. Sometimes I am asleep and he calls me and I talk with him. I do not know if I can change this guy. He is asking me if I can help him to get a girlfriend, one who does not have any children.

D.

Dear D.,

First of all, if a man has taken the position that he does not want to marry a woman who has children, or even a child, he should not be forced to change his mind.

However, you should not take on the responsibility of helping this man to find a girlfriend for him, specifically one who does not have children. Some men will not marry women who have children because they believe that they will be supporting other men’s children. Leave this guy alone. A woman might not have children, but that does not mean that she is a saint. I hope this young man will come to realise that. Don’t try to get him to change his mind. But tell him not to call you late at nights. What I am trying to say is that you are wasting your time chatting to this man.

Pastor