Babyfather has his eyes on my friend

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I am not sure you saw my first letter.

I regularly read your column. I am living with my babyfather. We started to live together when I got pregnant. Since I am living with him, he is not as nice to me as when we first met. He used to pay me much more attention. Now that I have had the baby, when he comes home, he questions me about the child and expects me to have dinner ready for him. The only time he is nice to me is when he wants us to have sex.

This man is so crazy. Two weeks after I had the baby, he wanted us to resume having sex. I had to call his mother and ask her to talk to him and she cursed him and told him to leave me alone. She told him that his father and her did not resume having sex until three months after she gave birth to him. He was very upset with me because I called his mother and complained to her. We resumed having sex after one month. I did not want to do so, but he said that it seems as if I wanted him to go and look for another girl. He is a nice guy, but he likes to have his own way.

Even when we resumed having sex, he did not want to use protection. I made sure that I bought condoms, but he did not want to use them. I asked him why not and he said condoms kill his nature. But I eventually got his godfather to talk to him. He told me that he told my babyfather that this thing about killing his nature is just in his mind and he should not only think about himself, but also about me. I am a secretary and I work with the government.

My boss is a woman and she is not very kind. The other girls in the office don’t like her. She does not behave as if she is a woman who understands what women go through. My boyfriend is 25 and I am 24. I put on a little weight and he told me that I am not attracting him anymore. Whenever my best friend comes to the house, I can see how he is admiring her. I asked her if he has ever put any question to her and she said no, but she observes that he is paying lots of attention to her. She is the godmother of our son. She does not have children.

I don’t want my girlfriend to come to the house unless I am at home. She has a boyfriend, but she told me that he is not assisting her financially and sometimes she has a difficult time paying her rent. She asked me to lend her $40,000 because she owed one month’s rent. I know that kind of money is nothing for him to give to her, but he would want something from her. Do you think that it is wise for me to stop her from coming to our house completely? She told me that she will not get involved with him. But how can I believe this man who has suddenly become sex crazy?

B.

Dear B.,

Doctors differ in their opinion on how soon a woman can resume having sex after giving birth.

I remember a couple came to see me and we were talking about their children and they mentioned that two of them were born the same year and they were not twins. They were laughing about it, so I asked them how could that be and the woman said they had sex just a couple of weeks after she gave birth; then she got pregnant again. Her husband told me that his wife has always been a hot girl. She wanted him to have sex with her almost every day and if he did not comply, she fussed about it. So that is why she ended up becoming pregnant just a few weeks after she gave birth. Some doctors recommend a woman can resume having sex six to eight weeks after she has given birth, but some couples do not wait that long. Some religious societies do not encourage their women to resume having sex too soon.

The problem you are faced with is that your man seems to be aggressive and very greedy when it comes to sex. You are afraid that he may ask your friend to go to bed with him. She has assured you that you need not fear as that will not happen. I do not believe that you should suggest to her that she should stop visiting your house; that would not be wise. She is the godmother of your son, and it is likely that you are going to need her occasionally to watch over him as a babysitter. She would not have to come to your house to do so, but do not stop her from visiting you.

Pastor