Jealousy destroyed my relationship

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old woman seeking your advice about my current relationship. My babyfather and I have been in a committed relationship for two years. We were always happy together.

We argue at times like any other couple because no relationship is perfect, but other than that everything was always good with us. One day one of my exes messaged me out of the blue. It was a friendly conversation. I asked him how he ended up with my number. But he did not answer.

My babyfather saw the conversations and he was never okay with the idea that I was communicating with one of my exes, so I said okay, I will not contact this ex again. From that, it's like everything started going wrong, as he started having doubts.

During Hurricane Melissa, it happened that my ex and I started talking again, but it was in person this time, because we live in the same district. People saw us together and told my babyfather. He assumed that I am still being intimate with that ex because according to rumours, we are still together.

I told him it was a lie; we are just social friends. We talked about it and moved forward with our relationship, but there was still no trust, and whenever we have an argument, he always mentions the rumours.

Recently, my ex saw me walking and asked me to do a favour for him. I told him I not longer had his number because I deleted it. He gave me back his number. I did not do what he asked me to do. The following night, I reached out to him via WhatsApp but it was not pertaining to what he asked me to do for him. The conversation was about 10 messages long and that was it. The day after that, I was using my phone and my man popped up on me unexpectedly. He took the phone and started searching it and then he saw the conversation between me and that same ex. We started arguing; things got out of control and physical. He said it was over between us because we keep having the same obstacle in our relationship and I keep making the same mistakes.

I explained to him how I ended up with my ex's number once again, but he insisted that it was over between us. I message him daily telling him I am sorry and willing to fix things. I said he should just give me one last chance and I am willing to do anything to fix things, but he said there is no point because I am going to make the same mistake again. Pastor, ever since he left, I have been crying and not eating because I am so broken. It was truly never my intention to hurt him because I love and miss this man so much, and I would do anything to fix things between us.

I am at my breaking point right now and I don't have anyone to talk with. Panic attacks and depression are so hard to deal with.

S.

Dear S.,

I have read your letter many times and I am trying to find out in my mind why it is that you kept communicating with this man you called your ex.

It seems to me that you are not over this man. You give the impression that you want to have a relationship with your boyfriend, but at the same time, you want to have one with this ex. Your present boyfriend does not believe that the relationship you are having with this ex is just casual. You are the reason he feels that way. If I am wrong, I would say "May God forgive me for judging you wrongfully."

Here is what I am going to say now. Talk to your boyfriend about the situation and tell him that you are asking him to make arrangements with a family counsellor for both of you to see him or her as soon as possible. I believe that you have made some fundamental mistakes. Perhaps you are naive and take things lightly. But your present boyfriend is more serious about the relationship. In the meantime, cut all ties with this man you call your ex because it does not appear that he considers you to be his ex-girlfriend.

Pastor