I hope my boyfriend doesn’t change

Dear Pastor,

Please for a quick response from you. I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend. We started dating one year ago, and from the time we started to date, we have been having sex.

My parents are Christians, but I am not. My boyfriend is not fully a Christian, although he was baptised when he was 13 years old. He goes to church with his parents whenever they are in Jamaica. People think highly of him.

He said he wants to be a medical doctor, but he does not want to study in Jamaica. I have always wanted to be a nurse, so I am heading in that direction. My boyfriend's parents are green card holders. They will soon become citizens of the United States of America, and it will be easier for my boyfriend to get help to study in America. That is what is bothering me at the moment. I believe that when he goes, he is going to forget me as so many of these guys do.

Sometimes I get the feeling that my boyfriend's parents do not like me because of my complexion.

My parents have always told me that if this guy does not like me, another guy will. But I love this guy and I do not want to lose him. I don't want anybody else in my life. I hope this guy will not change and get involve with any other girl. That would kill me.

What advice can you give to me?

P

Dear P.,

Please understand that you cannot force people to love you. I wish you had given reason why you believe that your boyfriend's parents don't love you.

I know a Jamaican woman who got married to a white man and they now have a couple children together. That man continues to curse his wife and call her a black so and so. Whenever he does that, she respond in a very derogatory manner. I often wonder why they get married.

This man knew that she is black and he decided to marry her. Why curse her about the colour of her skin?

On the other hand, I know white men and black folks who are married and they are happy with each other, and they don't curse each other and tell them about the colour of their skin. Only foolish people engage in such behaviour.

Many years ago when I moved from state to state in the USA, speaking to different groups, the question about interracial marriage came up. The matter of prejudice was very deep.

I have lost support from some people because they could not get me to condemn interracial marriages. Why should I tell a black man that he should not marry a white girl? Love does not know colour. Some Christians are very subtle the way they talk about black men marrying white girls.

When I was a young man, it was commonly believed that black guys were marrying white girls because by doing so they were lifting their status. That was not always true. Even some of our own black women were very angry with black men for establishing relationships with white girls.

What I want to say to you now, dear young lady, if this man loves you, his parents will not be able to prevent him from doing so. But you have to be so careful that he does not use you and drop you like a hot bread.

All the best, I wish you well.

Pastor