I’m torn between two brothers

Dear Pastor,

I have found myself in love with two men and I have to make a decision very soon as to which one I should settle with.

I am 25 years old, and I have had sex with one of them. Each of them invited me out on a separate occasion and I went. They are middle-class Jamaicans. One of them is living with his girlfriend. She was overseas for a brief period when he invited me to his house. I had too much to drink and made love to him. He did not know that I was in love with his brother, with whom I never had sex.

When this man held me and started to romance me, I could not help myself. I spent all night with him. The following morning, he woke up and made breakfast for both of us. At the breakfast table I asked him if he intended to have sex with me when he invited me to his house and he said 'not at all'. In fact, he said that I should consider what happened between us to be a one-night stand.

Before he took me home, I assisted him in straightening up everything in his apartment so that his girlfriend would not have a clue. We even washed the towels that we used.

We did not use protection, and I was initially worried about getting pregnant but that did not happen.

His brother and I are the same age, but the one I had sex with is more mature and has a better job. I told him that no one would know that we had sex. He has invited me back to the house but I told him that I cannot come because it is not safe.

His brother does not have his own place. Sometimes when I think of what I did by going to bed with this man, I say I should not have allowed it, but I was helpless at the time.

What advice can you give to me?

L.

Dear L.,

You should consider what you did as a big mistake. This man may or may not be speaking the truth when he told you that sex was not on his mind when he invited you to his house. While having breakfast with you, he told you that what happened between the both of you was a one-night stand. He was reminding you that he has his girlfriend and that you should not look for a permanent relationship.

You will be better off building a relationship with the other man. You are only 25 years old. Many times a woman can push herself on a man and lose out big time.

At the age of 25, you have a future before you, so take your time and plan your life. Work hard, save your money and invest. Try not to throw yourself around with men because, as you get older, you may regret doing so.

I wish you well.

Pastor