Mom is giving my stepdad ‘bun’

Dear Pastor,

I am 15 and I live with my mother and stepfather. I am doing well in school, but I am not happy with the way I see my mother treating my stepfather.

He is a hard-working man and he treats us very well. I do not know my real father. My mother told me that she does not know where he is and he never gave her any money to support me. He told my grandmother that my mother was a bad girl. He was not the only man who had sex with her, so he never owned me as his daughter.

My mother met my stepfather when I was three years old and they started a relationship. My stepfather works as a security guard and whenever he leaves for work, my mother takes in other men into the house. She always believes that I am sleeping, so she checks my room to make sure that I am sleeping and that I don't know what she is doing. Many times I only pretended that I was sleeping. One of the men who always comes to the house lives in the same community. I know him by his voice. He gives my mother money. I remember hearing my mother telling him that she has to change the sheet she slept on with my stepfather. But she put away the one that she used the last time he was there.

I can't understand why my mother is not satisfied to have my stepfather alone. She even has a young man who is only about 19 years old. I do not know where he is from, but he rides a motorbike. My mother is working, so she should not have to have other men with my stepfather. Sometimes I tell myself that I am going to write a note and put it in my stepfather's shoes, to tell him what my mother is doing to him. But I am afraid to do so because she might find out that I was the one who wrote the note.

Please, can you give me your advice on what I should do? Do you think I should talk to my mother and let her know that I am aware of what she is doing? Please answer me.

A.W.

Dear A.W.,

Your mother is not setting a good example for you. You are a 15-year-old girl and she should not be allowing men into her house and having sex with them.

When she was pregnant with you, the man who she claimed impregnated her refused to accept paternity because he said that she was going with other men. So you do not know your biological father. She was fortunate to meet this man you call your stepfather. You believe that he treats her well. You know for sure that he treats you well. But you are sure that she is having sexual intercourse with other men.

I have to agree with you that your mother is bad. Nevertheless, I will not suggest that you report her to your stepfather. She will deny that she is doing anything wrong and call you a troublemaker. Take it from me - she may even say that you want to be with your stepfather and that is why you are telling lies on her. Nevertheless, at 15, you are old enough to talk to your mother. You may ask her why these men are coming to the house when your stepfather is at work. Tell her that it is likely that the neighbours are aware that these men visit her while your stepfather is at work. She should be made aware that you know that she is entertaining other men with her body. But I repeat, do not tell your stepfather what you know. Let him find out on his own.

I wish you well in school. Take care of yourself.

Pastor