I feel guilty for destroying a marriage

Dear Pastor,

I met this married guy at work about a year and a half ago. He offered me rides home a couple of times and we became friends. After talking, we eventually became close and comfortable with each other.

Later in the year my ex-boyfriend and I had a heated argument and he threw me, along with my five-year-old son and my 17-year-old sister, out of his house. This guy from work immediately sent a driver for me and assisted me. I was going through a very rough time because I was heartbroken and filled with hurt. Throughout this period, this guy gave me his full support. We had sex couple months after.

His wife saw some of our messages in his phone and things went bad between them after that. She even asked him for a divorce and neither of them wanted to work on the marriage. I tried to walk away from the relationship that we were having, but this man never gave up on me. I must say, in my eyes, he is an amazing man. He is very supportive; he cares for me and my child, and also for my siblings. He is very kind. He pushes me to be a better person and he motivates me. He even planned a surprise birthday party for me, with his family, while I was going through depression.

This man has chosen me over his wife and is willing to give up his house and all his assets to be with me. However, I am very scared because I don't know if he is the right one for me, or if I am making a wise decision because of how the relationship started off. Bear in mind, I am the happiest person when I am around him, but I am just too scared because I know what we have done was wrong and I have ruined someone's home.

However, no matter how hard I try to walk away from this relationship by making excuses, this man fixes everything.

Pastor, I really and truly love this man and I know he loves me, but I don't know if I am doing the right thing to be with him. Please, give me your feedback because I don't know what to do.

S.M

Dear S.M.,

You knew exactly what you were getting into. This man works in the same organisation as you. It is a fact that you love his company and you accepted his rides in his motorcar. The truth is, you fell in love with him. When he got serious with you, you could have stopped the relationship by saying, 'Look, you are married and living with your wife', but you didn't. You went to bed with him. You were glad for his kindness and his help in every way.

When you were thrown out of the house you were living, he rescued you and your household. You know he was a special man to you, so you cannot behave now as if you would want to walk away from him. Yes, you are wondering if it is right for him to leave his wife and marry you, you ought to stop pretending that you are concerned because you have encouraged him to be with you all the way.

I would say to you, if you are so concerned about the situation, you and this man should make an appointment to see a family counsellor before you make a final decision on whether you should continue the relationship. I wish you well.

Pastor