In love with a married man

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am sexually active. I became sexually active about a year ago and I do not want to stop. I know you are going to say that at 17, I should not be having sex.

I would have to agree with you, Pastor. But I can't help it because I am only having sex with my boyfriend who is 25. He is not just an ordinary friend; he is everything to me.

My father does not care about me and my mother is a higgler. I don't hide anything from her. Sometimes when I need something and I discuss it with her, she tells me to talk to my boyfriend about it. Sometimes he tells me to give him a week or two, but I generally get what I want from him. Whenever he gives me money, he gives me enough for my mother too. He is always warning me not to let him or my mother down.

When I started having sex with him, I missed my period and he fretted for weeks until my period came. That is to show you the type of man he is. Now I know that what I have to tell you is not going to please you. This man is married, but his wife is not living in Jamaica. They have a child together. His wife went away and promised that she would return. It has been two years now and she has not come back.

I met him at the business place I work and he gave me his number. I love this man more than tongue can tell and I am going to fight to keep him; but I know you will not agree. He told me that he does not want his wife any more, and from what he got to understand, she is seeing another man. He sat down with my mother and told her everything. My mother told me that she believes what he said. Sometimes I spend weekends at his house, but the people in the community think that I am his relative. Whenever I am there, I cook and clean and wash.

He has contacted a lawyer and he is filing for divorce. He said people are going to know the truth whenever he has divorced his wife. That is the time he wants them to know the truth about us.

I go to school in the evenings. When he cannot pick me up, he sends a taxi for me and he insists that I should sit in the back seat. He doesn't need to worry about me because I will never let him down.

D.J.

Dear D.J.,

Your mother has accepted this man as your boyfriend. She knows that she was unable to help you through school and this man was in a position to do so.

He was bold enough to meet with her and to explain his situation. Whether he was speaking the truth or lying, she accepted what he said as truth. So far, he has not let you down and you have been true to him. Perhaps he genuinely loves you.

I know there are going to be people who will tell me that I am encouraging slackness, and as a young girl you should find another man and that I should encourage this man and his wife to get back together. His wife did not keep her promise to return to Jamaica and a good relationship is not something one can force.

I can encourage both of you to seek the help of a family counsellor when this man and his wife are divorced and that is all I wish say right now.

Pastor