Cheating shocker Researcher stunned by restrain of ‘side men’ caught in action

At least two alleged cheating confrontations that would normally end in rage, fists and chaos have instead left Jamaicans stunned after the men involved appeared almost frighteningly calm.

The bizarre encounters, captured on video and widely shared online, have triggered a wave of discussion about whether attitudes towards infidelity are changing.

But behavioural specialist Dr Paul Bourne says the responses from the men in the videos he has seen are far from normal.

“I have been looking at it and doing some reading. Nothing currently exists to say why people would be behaving like this because it’s not the normal human approach, but it is an anomaly more than anything else,” he said.

The latest video being circulated online shows a man in a bedroom with a woman said to be his partner, with another man. The minute-long video shows the ‘bunna man’ putting on his shirt before sitting on the bed to put on his shoes. The ‘main man’ and the ‘side man’ were in the same space, but still no violence was shown in the video.

According to the behavioural specialist, such a reaction is unusual in Jamaica.

“The normal tendencies in Jamaica and the world is a retaliatory approach, so there is a shift going on. There is something happening in the social psychology of people especially in males [because] all other cases were violent.”

Bourne explained that Jamaicans may be gradually becoming more adaptable to the possibility of infidelity.

“More and more people are accepting that the person you are with could be cheating on you and because this could be happening, people are shocked but not so shocked. The longtime shock where it would be abusive, people are not at that stage anymore.”

Still, he warned that this growing adaptability could have consequences, particularly for children.

“Children are going to be registered in the mother’s last name because the woman can’t give the bunna man the baby, and the man who has adapted to cheating won’t accept either,” he reasoned.

Still, in analysing the video, Bourne suggested that the man recording may have been able to control his emotions because he already suspected something was happening.

“Therefore, his behaviour is not going to be the same as total shock. ... that could explain why the behaviour is so different.”

In July, another video circulated online showing a man turning up at an apartment where his girlfriend was entertaining another man, in an encounter that also did not escalate into violence.

For Bourne, the “two anomalies” must be studied.

“I am looking at other countries too where this is happening and the men are calm. Very, very, very calm! [This is] somewhat surprising to me because the normal human thing is to retaliate, not because of fear, but also the emotions involved in feeling inferior, betrayed and disappointed.”

For the behavioural specialist, the woman’s reaction was not surprising, however, the response of the “bunna man” was unexpected.

“I am not surprised by the woman’s behaviour because she is in denial, but what is not expected is the bunna man. The bunna man has me thinking what is going on, he was so calm that he held his head down to put on shoes, because respective of how bad you are, right there you are vulnerable.”

Still, Bourne said words from the “main man” towards the end of the video suggest that he could potentially have chosen a violent route.

He said the actions captured in the encounter add to what he described as a rise in a “fluid society”, where relationships are becoming less stable.

“Men are now in it and out in a second, so stability of relations are not going to marriages or long-term relationships. You are always expecting that there will be cheating and this creates a fluid relationship, and we are fully aware that where there is a fluid sort of system where we don’t have stability, a lot of things are going to be happening psychologically, and socially there will be a breakdown. So, Jamaica is in a bad state.”