Ex-boyfriend says he wants his money back

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 25. He is my second boyfriend. I had my first boyfriend when I was 16.

He was much older than me. He used to give me money, because my father was not supporting me and my mother had five of us. This man was a butcher. In addition to giving me money, I used to go where he sold meats and get whatever I wanted. He used to give me the best cuts of beef and pork. I also left the shop with money to buy groceries. My mother knew that this man was my boyfriend, but the only thing she warned me about was getting pregnant.

I did not know that this man was married until someone saw me at the meat shop. He was bragging about me, and one of the workers asked me if I was not afraid that his wife would beat me. That was on a Friday. When I saw him the Saturday night, I asked him why he did not tell me that he was married. He said that I did not have to know that and our affair had nothing to do with his wife. He did not deny that he was married, so I stopped going to the meat shop. He started bringing money for me to the house. But when he came, he did not see me because I got involved with another man, who also gives me money, but not as much as the butcher. Sometimes I sleep at my boyfriend's house to avoid the butcher. One night I called the butcher and told him that I no longer wanted to see him, so he should stay with his wife. He told me that I should get a job and pay him back for all the money he gave me. He was the first man who taught me to do oral sex.

I am now going back to school, and sometimes for days I do not go home to my mother's house. I stay with my boyfriend and take care of him. I do not want to lose him because he is very nice to me. He has rented a very comfortable place and it is furnished. It has everything a girl would want to have in an apartment, including a washing machine. He helps me to cook sometimes and I enjoy that. My mother likes him, and she comes up and assists me in the apartment. Every time my mother comes, he gives her $5,000 for the day. I have a younger sister and he told me that I should let her spend a weekend with us. I did not tell him this, but I don't want my sister here, because if my boyfriend should ask her for sex, she would give it to him. She is that bad; I know it. So whatever I have and I can give to her, I do, but I want her to stay home. Sometimes my boyfriend and I have unprotected sex because I think it doesn't matter if I get pregnant. I would prefer if he got me pregnant than to go outside and have a relationship with another girl.

Since I left the butcher, he has been asking my mother where I live, but she has not told him. I do not intend to go back to him.

E.P.

Dear E.P.,

You are making a mistake by having unprotected sex. You are attending school, so why would you want to get pregnant?

A child is not a toy. You should wait until you are out of school before thinking about getting pregnant. What you have related to me does not surprise me, because many young women are being supported by men while they are in school, and their parents are aware of it. Sometimes these men also help to support the parents of the young women. I want to be careful about what I say, lest you think I am condemning you; I am not.

You did the right thing when you broke up with this married man. However, it is indeed very unfortunate that you are now shacking up with a man. I hope that before long, you will be able to find yourself a job, regardless of the type, and help to support yourself. Take good care of yourself and do well in school, so that you would not always have to depend on men to support you.

Pastor