My husband’s babymother wants to destroy our marriage

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a problem I am having with my husband. I am 21 years old. I got married to him six months ago.

My husband is 24. He has a three-year-old daughter. Her mother gave her up to him, saying she no longer wanted to keep her because her new boyfriend didn't want another man's child living with them. So, we took her in.

I have no issues with the child, but her mother constantly calls and interferes with me. It seems she still has feelings for the child's father and acts as if I took him away from her. She suggests that if I hadn't married him, they would still be together, living as a family.

I told my husband that this girl is calling and he told me to change my phone number. I love my husband very much. I don't interfere with the child's mother at all. I am a teacher and I spend time with the child when I get home from school. When she came to live with us, she did not even know the alphabet, now she has greatly improved.

The mother of this child does not seem to love her boyfriend. She told somebody who I know that she would not stop harassing me until she breaks up my husband and me. She does not know who she is playing with. I have a brother who is very bad. He is not a criminal, but he would give her a beating and cripple her, or set some of his bad friends to beat her. I don't want the situation to get to that stage. My husband has spoken to her, but she continues to harass me.

My husband says he will not give her back the child because her man does not want the child to be living with them. I am not asking him to give the child back to her because I really love the little girl. I have been taking the little girl to church with me and she is really enjoying Sunday school. Her father allows her to call her mother every week. He sits close to her and the mother is always questioning her about things that should not concern her; she is always asking her if I am treating her well and if I beat her.

How do you think I should handle this situation? Please give me your advice.

S.H.

Dear S.H.,

I am glad to see you stepping into the role of a mother. Since the biological mother has given up her daughter, the responsibility has fallen on you to be both a mother and a wife -- something I'm sure you didn't plan for. You likely never imagined that your husband's child would be entrusted to him, leaving you to take on the role of her mother.

Regardless of what the child's biological mother may say, she is not a good mother. Her new man insists that her daughter should not live with them. That should have been enough to tell her that the man is not a good man. Why wouldn't he want a child who is only three years old not to be with her mother?

Perhaps she gave the child to your husband as a way of punishing him -- or even punishing you. In her mind, she may believe that if you have him, you should also take full responsibility for his child -- handling everything from school runs to doctor visits and daily care. Despite the circumstances, you've grown to love the little girl. And as a schoolteacher, you find joy in teaching her the things she should know at her age.

Her mother's harassment may stem from jealousy. It's best not to involve your brother or make any threats against her. Your husband suggested changing your number, but that may not be necessary -- she could eventually find your new number. Instead, I suggest simply hanging up whenever she calls or blocking her number entirely. Avoid any contact with her, and let your husband handle any communication when needed.

Pastor