Scared to lose my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have a girlfriend who is 20. She asked me to have sex with her last August and I told her that I don't know how.

She laughed at me and told me that she would teach me, because she can see that I have something in my pants that can fit her. She asked me my age and I lied, saying that I was 20. She asked how come I am 20 and never had sex. I grew up with my mother, who encouraged me every day to concentrate on my lessons and not to trouble any of the girls in the community. I am now in college, where I met this girl. I really love her. Sometimes when I have to get home early, she helps me. I have a big body. Her father comes to pick her up. Sometimes she asks him to drop me off, and he does. He doesn't know that I am her boyfriend. I get very nervous when this girl holds me. She has a way of wining on me and putting her hand where she shouldn't.

On Christmas Eve, we almost had sex, but I backed away and told her I was not feeling well. But nothing was wrong with me. I want to have sex with her, too, but I am afraid. Her birthday is in April. She told me that all she wants from me is "penis". Don't you think that she is out to get me in trouble? She is also threatening to rape me. I know I did a wrong thing when I lied about my age. I told my cousin that this girl wants me to have sex with her. He said we can use his place whenever we are ready. I did not tell my cousin that I have never had sex. He said that he would make sure he leaves certain things at the house, such as paper towels, so that his girlfriend wouldn't think that he brought a woman to the house. But we should make sure that we clean everywhere. I am still very nervous. I don't want to lose this girl, because she is charming. One day, I would have to tell her the truth. I have already told her to make sure she buys protection, because I would not want my mother to find condoms in my pocket.

This girl has had sex before. She told me that she started to have sex when she was 17.

H.T.

Dear H.T.,

You have grown up as a very sheltered young man. Your mother has done everything in her power to keep you straight.

She has counselled you well. She told you not to get involved with the girls in the community. She did not mean that you can misbehave with girls who were outside of your community; she knew that there are many girls who have caught sexually transmitted infections and may pass one on to you. So you know, now that you are in university and have met this nice chick, you may feel embarrassed because you have never engaged in sex. Please understand that there are many guys your age who have not engaged in sexual intercourse, either. Some have pledged that they will not until they are married. Some women who are much older than you, they, too, have never had sex.

Your girlfriend laughed at you when you told her that you have never had sex, and she promised to teach you. But if you are not ready to engage in sex, don't allow her to keep pushing you. I know that nothing will go wrong whenever you are ready for sex; you will know it. Don't allow your girlfriend to push you. Do not go to your cousin's house with this girl. The truth is, you're just not ready for sex and leave it there.

Pastor