Can’t keep up with my young girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 62 and my girlfriend is 38. I was married, but my wife died. She meant everything to me.

We didn't quarrel, but I was unfaithful. When she became ill and died, some of her relatives said that I killed her. Some said the woman I was fooling around with caused her death. I did not argue with them, but I felt hurt, because if money could have saved my wife, she would have been saved. I spent all my savings on her. I don't regret doing so because she was a good wife.

My girlfriend is much younger than I am, but she keeps me happy. She was abused by her father. You should see the scars on her legs and back. She told me that her father used to beat her with a belt and her mother cheered him on, saying, "Beat the gal." She ran away from home and got involved with a badman for protection. The man threatened her father, so he never had anything to do with her again.

I met her on the street. She asked me for a ride and told me her problems. The badman wasn't treating her well, so I put her up for a week until she felt comfortable. She was my helper, but I had a day's worker as well. I had no need for two women, so I dismissed the day's worker and I got involved with this girl. She can cook well and she is clean. But Pastor, I am unable to satisfy her sexually.

I have high blood pressure and diabetes. I am on medication, and the doctor says that that is why I am not having a strong erection. Sometimes I ask this woman if she is going to leave me. She said that she does not intend to because she wouldn't have anywhere to go. I do not think she is speaking the truth, because a young woman like her needs a strong man.

What advice can you give me?

O.L.

Dear O.L.,

I am going to tell you something and I hope that you will learn from it.

Some years ago, a man told me that he was having some problems with his wife. They were both very young. He said that he suspected that his wife was having an affair. He told me that he could not have a strong erection. Many times, his wife got dressed and went out, and he suspected that she was meeting her lover.

As he spoke, he started to weep. He was suffering. I asked if his wife would come to see me and he said he would ask her. She agreed to see me; she was a very beautiful woman. As we spoke, I felt that her husband had good reason to believe that she was cheating.

You know what that girl said to me? She said, "Pastor, I told [her husband's name] that he must not worry, I am alright." I asked her if she told him that she was alright and that he should not fret himself. She said she did. I asked if she was cheating and she said no. In my mind, I said, 'Girl, you can't fool me, you are a liar.' Well, we chatted some more and she left.

A few weeks later, her husband called me and said, "Pastor, I told you my wife had a man. I went home and she was not there. I ate and I called everybody and asked for her. I called her mother, her sister, and no one saw her." Then he said, "I was listening to the news and I heard that there was an accident on such and such a street and a woman who was in one of the vehicles died. I enquired where her body was taken, and I went and asked them to show me the person who was in the car accident and died, and they showed me, and it was my wife. I told you she had a man!"

That man got help and was able to function well after. What I am trying to say is that you are going through physical and psychological problems. You are taking drugs prescribed by doctors, and sometimes they have serious side effects. They may reduce your sex drive, and even sexual functioning. But you need to follow the doctors' advice and hope that this young woman will remain true to you. Don't fret. The more you fret is the worse your condition may become.

You know you did your best for your wife, so ignore what her relatives say.

Pastor