Sister-in-law driving my brother crazy

Dear Pastor,

I am writing on behalf of my twin brother. We are in our 30s and married.

He told me that he is very unhappy and regrets being married. His wife does not cook. He is a farmer and regardless of how late he is on the farm, whenever he gets home he has to do the cooking. They have a child and since his wife got pregnant, she has stopped working. She has more than enough time to take care of the child and to cook. She told him that she cannot manage the cooking and taking care of the baby. She did not wash his clothes, so he bought her a washing machine, but that does not change the situation. One day he got upset and told her that she would have to leave - and if she doesn't, he would leave. She told him that she didn't know that he had married a maid.

Sometimes on Saturdays, my brother has to help this woman clean the house. He cannot take it any more. He used to attend the same church with her. She is a Sunday school teacher. He stopped attending church and complained to the senior deacon about his wife's behaviour, and the deacon spoke to her. She was most upset.

My brother has a US visa and he told me that he is going to go there and not return. He is tired of talking. I told him to discuss with her about both of them going to see a family counsellor. When he said it to her, she said she will not discuss any problem with family counsellors because nothing is wrong with her.

This woman and her dad used to get along very well. My brother went to him and spoke to him, and he spoke to his daughter. He told her that what she is dong is wrong and she should try and please her husband. He showed her in the Bible how a woman should take care of her home. She told her father that my brother was telling lies on her. So one day, her father went to the house and it was filthy. He went into the kitchen and saw plates and other things piled up in the sink and he spoke to her. So now, she doesn't have anything to do with her father. Do you think I should encourage my brother to leave her and go away? I know that he would take care of his son, but I would miss him dearly. Sometimes I think his wife may cause him to go crazy.

What suggestion would you make that I can pass on to him?

B.L.

Dear B.L.,

Evidently, your brother's wife is an untidy woman. She does not take any pride in her house.

Good women try to keep their homes clean and tidy, and they try to keep their husbands happy. When a man goes out and works and returns home, he likes to come home to a clean environment. He loves to know that he is going to enjoy a hot meal from his wife, especially a wife who has been home all day.

Your sister-in-law is talking nonsense by saying that she has to take care of the baby so she can't cook. I am sure the baby is not up all day. The baby goes to sleep during the day for a certain number of hours. She is so fortunate to have got a washing machine. Your brother, I am sure, has tried. But he is discouraged. This woman is evidently not treating him well.

I am not going to tell you to tell him to leave or not to leave. He has tried to get counselling for his wife and himself, but she is not interested. So you may tell your brother that he should make his own decision about whether to go or stay and you will be praying for him.

Pastor