Escaped my abusive boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I am living with a man. I came to live with him six months ago because I was tired of being in the ghetto. My former boyfriend was abusive. My parents are afraid of him, so they encourage me to leave the area. I had other friends who left the community as well. One of them became a prostitute.

This man I am living with is hard-working. He insists that I go to school. I am not so good in reading, but he spends time helping me to be literate. My parents know where I am living and I speak to my mother every day.

I am not treated as a helper in my boyfriend's house, because since I came here he bought a washing machine for me to do the laundry. He used to live with another woman, but they were not getting along well, so he asked her to leave. She tried to put up a fight, but he gave her some money to buy a bed and a stove, and he is still paying for the stove.

This man is 27 years old. He is a security officer. Whenever he has to work at nights, he asks his grandmother to allow me to say at her house. He pays for everything. He shows me his payslip. He is not working a lot of money, but he gives me enough to take care of myself and for us to be happy. As a ghetto girl, I know how to respect a man. My former boyfriend was always threatening me, but my present boyfriend has never threatened me. My former boyfriend does not know where I was living. I have changed my number and I am not on social media.

FUTURE PLANS

My reading has improved. When I get older I want to have a profession. I know you will say that I should go to the HEART/NSTA Trust. I will consider doing so when I am able to read well. My boyfriend says that he would love to buy a car, so that I would not have to be riding on the bus to go to classes. My boyfriend said he doesn't have children. He got a girl pregnant, but she did not give him the baby because she was with another man. That man believes that the child is his, so he left them alone. I do not want to get pregnant, so we are trying to prevent that from happening. We are hoping to find a cheaper place and move from where we are living, but that is hard.

My former boyfriend operates like a don and everybody, including parents of young girls, are afraid of him. My boyfriend is doing everything to protect me. We would like to find a place up in St Andrew where the rent is cheaper than what we are paying now. My boyfriend is hoping to get a promotion. If that happens, we will be able to pay the bills much easier. My boyfriend knows my former boyfriend, but my former boyfriend does not know him.

My former boyfriend asked my mother for me and she lied and told him that I am not living in Jamaica any more and wanted to tell him that I was leaving, but I had to hurry out of the country. He wanted to know why I haven't contacted him since I am away.

T.

Dear T.,

I understand what you are trying to say, but you will not be able to hide for the rest of your life. This man you described as your former boyfriend should be told that the relationship between the both of you is over and that you have moved on. You don't have to say where you are living and with who, but you should wish him well. Evidently, you are afraid of this man, but you may just run in to him one day and you would have to explain yourself to him.

You cannot live in a house and never go out. That would not make any sense at all.

You want to go back to school. Somebody may see you and tell him that they saw you and at a certain place. So that problem has to be taken care of. It is a dead relationship. You might even have to alert the police after you tell this man that you are done with him.

I am glad that the man with whom you are living is trying his best to help you. I hope that he will find a place where the rent is cheaper than he is paying now. I wish both of you well. Take good care of yourselves.

Pastor