Wife angry that I want a sex doll

Dear Pastor,

I hope you are well. I have a major problem and I am seeking your advice. My wife and I got married in 2005, but we met while we were students in high school in St Catherine.

We became intimate in 2004. We have two children, ages 18 and 15 years old. We are both 45. I have a son, who is 21, whose birth predates our relationship. He is in college in Canada. His fees are super expensive and his mom can't contribute financially since she only has a hand-to-mouth job, but she is a great mother who I respect. While pregnant, she left me for a popular taxi driver in the community, who she thought was the father of the child, until a DNA test I forced her to take proved that I was his dad.

My wife works in Japan at a prominent company and is excelling in her career. She has the children with her in Japan because her company gives really good education benefits for them all the way up to PhD studies, if they reside with her there. I lived with her in Japan for four years, but I could not find a job. I got a job in Washington, in my field, and it pays well but does not come with family benefits. We decided to stay in separate countries until the three children are done with college. I left Japan because I had to financially support my son's education.

The problem is that I have a very strong sex drive, unlike my wife. I have never cheated on her, although I came across many temptations. She cheated once when we both lived in Jamaica before we had children, but I have forgiven her. The problem is that Washington is cold, harsh and lonely, and women are going after me, even though they are aware I am married. These women love men in suits. I will never cheat. I proposed to my wife that I purchase a realistic sex doll, since we see each other only four times a year. She strongly objected, and even threatened to end our relationship if I got one. I went to the extent of seeking counselling for us about the idea and she still objected. I would even get the doll designed to look just like her, but she refuses.

She is a conservative Christian and I understand. She thinks it will eventually replace her. I am so frustrated and don't know what to do. I could get it without her knowledge and hide it when she visits, but I can't hide anything from my wife, and she knows that. This issue has brought about tension in our marriage. But my patience is wearing thin, Pastor. What can I do?

B.G.

Dear B.G.,

Your wife and you can agree to visit each other more often. It would be costly, but your relationship is much more important than what it costs for tickets per year.

There are other things that you can do as a man to give yourself pleasure without getting involved with another person. I don't believe that I should spell that out to you. This matter of acquiring a sex doll is rather corrupt and disgusting. Your wife is quite correct in objecting to that suggestion. Have you really considered what you asked your wife to do?

You have said that you have never cheated on your wife, but think about it, if you are willing to have a doll designed in such a way that it would look like your wife, how could you say then that you are not cheating? That is so sickening. It almost sounds as if you are not in your right mind having a sex doll taking the place of your wife. No wonder your wife has threatened to end the relationship if you go ahead and acquire the sex doll.

I understand how difficult it is for you in Washington, but you have to continue to control yourself, because your wife is going through similar temptations. She expects you to be faithful to her. So perish the thought of a sex toy, or purchasing a sex toy and having it designed to look just like your wife.

Pastor