Jealous boyfriend thinks I was looking too sexy

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years old, and I am living with my boyfriend. We have two children together. He supports me well. There is nothing that I want that this man doesn't give to me. But he is very clingy and jealous. I would not say that he is watching me, but I know he is jealous. If we attend any function together, and I meet my old friends and they hug me, he will talk about it for days. Whenever I explain to him that they were my schoolmates, he would say that these guys should know that they shouldn't hug me like that.

My brother-in-law has stopped coming to visit me because my boyfriend would follow him around and never give us a chance to be alone. I told my boyfriend, during the Emancipation celebrations, that he embarrassed me. We had a little gathering at our house and I had on a pants. My boyfriend called me in the room and told me that I should change the pants immediately because I was looking too sexy, and that my brother-in-law was always looking at me. I told him that I would not change into something else, and he promised to slap me up when everybody was gone. So, for peace sake, I changed into a dress.

I have never gone with another man since my boyfriend and I fell in love with each other. I had lots of opportunities to do so if I wanted, but I am not that type of girl. My mother loves my boyfriend; she adores him. I told her about his jealousy and she said I should learn to deal with it because when she was young, my father was very jealous of her, but she never did anything to embarrass him.

I don't feel jealous over him. I know he is a good man and I trust him. My brother-in-law will not come back to this house, unless my sister is with him, because of my jealous boyfriend. How can I deal with his jealousy? I will be looking out for your answer.

R.P.

Dear R.P.,

Jealousy can be very destructive, and yet some people defend this jealousy by saying that it is natural for one to feel jealous from time to time. They justify jealousy. This man loves you, and he might defend his behaviour by saying that he is trying to protect the relationship that both of you have together. Perhaps your brother-in-law was constantly staring at you. Your boyfriend may have observed that and could not deal with it, so he asked you to change what you were wearing. I think that your boyfriend feels insecure. He could have allowed you to continue to wear the outfit that you had on. You were not going anywhere. After the gathering, the folks would have gone and both of you and your children would have been left together.

This man has to learn to control his jealousy. If he suspects that you are seeing somebody else, one can say that his reason for being jealous is justifiable. Even at the function held at your house, if you were flirting with your brother-in-law or other males at the function, you would have given your boyfriend reason to feel jealous. Jealous men like to search; they will search a woman's phone and their handbags, and some even go to the extreme by searching their women's body.

You have enjoyed a good relationship, and I am sure you do not want it to come to an end. Therefore, I suggest that both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor as soon as possible.

Pastor