Fiancé doesn’t want a church wedding

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and your column has opened my eyes to many things. I am the only child for my mother, but my father has five other children.

He had them before he met my mother. My mother was a dedicated Christian. She told me that it took her a long time to agree to have a relationship with my father because he was very wild. My parents gave me a good education. They sent me to the best prep school in the area. My mother taught in a primary school, but I did not attend it. My mother must have loved my father. I have never heard them quarrel. If they were not happy about something, my father used to send her flowers. He was a charmer.

I have three brothers and they were always coming to the house for money to attend school.Whenever my father was not at home, my mother gave them money and my father gave her back what she gave them. They all call me 'Sis'. Although my father did not attend college, my mother respected him. My mother never rejected any of my siblings. I have two sisters and they used to come and stay with me. Sometimes they were at the house for weeks and my mother never fret or fussed.

One of my sisters got pregnant, and she wanted to come and spend a week. My father told her that she did not listen to him when he spoke to her about the man she was seeing. So, he did not want her to spend any time with me, because he did not want her ganja-smoking man to visit his house. Now that my sister has given birth, my father loves his granddaughter.

I am in law school, and so is my fiance. My parents love this man. I can't say anything bad about him and let them hear. His parents have met my parents and they hit it off very well. My father told my mother that whenever I am called to the Bar, he will give me a car. She should not have told me, but she did.

Although my father loves women, there are some things he does not do. He does not gamble, he does not smoke, and he does not drink. He takes his money to my mother and she controls everything. I have never been out of money. I have a fairly good account. I have learnt a lot from my father. I would like my fiance to be as smart as my father is when it comes to money. I hope I am not expecting too much.

I would like to get married in a church. My fiance says we should marry at one of the hotels. My mother says it is up to us, but she would rather see me walk down the aisle of a church on my wedding day. What do you think?

P.H.

Dear P.H.,

I am glad to know that your parents get along very well, and although you describe your father as wild, after he started to a have a relationship with your mother he changed.

Your parents have shown you love. You have grown up as a privileged child. Your siblings should give thanks for a father who has supported them. Your sisters were allowed to spend time with you. Your mother is a wise woman; she never objected to your sisters coming to see you and spending time with you.

Your father took a stand. He was against one of your sisters who got involved with a man who smokes the weed, and who got her pregnant. But as you said, he loves his granddaughter.

Concerning where you should get married, whether at a church or at a hotel, that decision is strictly up to your fiance and you. I would only caution you, please make sure that you and your fiance attend premarital counselling before you get married. I wish both of you well.

Pastor