Sons don’t want me to marry this poor man

Dear Pastor,

When I read your column, it helps to put a smile on my face. I am in my 40s. I was married, but my husband passed on; cancer took him away.

We had two sons; one is married and one is still single. I am living at the home of the one who is still single. I have been urging him to get married, but he said he is not in a hurry to do so. My two children take very good care of me and I am working. My husband and I had a house together, but my children do not want me to live there, so it is rented out. I am not interested in getting married again. There is a man from Puerto Rico who is very interested in me, but my sons don't seem to love him very much. He calls me every day and he is always bringing food for me. But my sons say that he is a poor man and I should not marry a poor man. I asked my sons why they say he is a poor man and they said he drives an old car, and if a man drives an old car like that in New York, he doesn't have any ambition.

I would not want a man for his money, but sometimes I am here and I do feel the need for male companionship. Pastor, you may think that I am bad, but I am not. I have a secret lover in Jamaica. We went to high school together and after my husband died, we renewed our friendship. I went back to Jamaica last year and we started off like we were in a brand new relationship. My children would prefer me to have this man if I want to get married again.

This Puerto Rican man is hanging on to me. He is not a bad man, but I don't love him as much as I love my old-time friend in Jamaica. As I said before, my sons think that he is too poor for me.

K.L.

Dear K.L.,

I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband; however, you have two wonderful sons who are taking the best care that they could give to their mother.

They have met the man who is showing interest in you, but they do not want you to marry him because he is too poor. You may think that they do not have the right to say that. I would say that they do have the right to tell you not to marry him because at your age, you really do not want a man who is a beggar. If you really want a man, he should be a man of means, a man who is quite capable of supporting you very well, and taking you out on trips.

You are living with one of your sons and you don't have to beg for anything. Don't allow any man to come into your life and pull you down. Sometimes women who have lost their husbands allow loneliness to take over and they end up marrying men who don't have much to offer except the thing they carry in their pants. A woman needs much more than that.

You say you have a boyfriend in Jamaica. You should talk to your children about him and hear how they feel about him. I wish you well. Keep in touch with me.

Pastor