Too black for my ex-wife

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column and it is very helpful. My wife encouraged me to start reading it. Whenever I want to have my way, she threatens to write to you. I am not a bad person, but according to her, I go out of the way sometimes. We have been married for four years and we have two children. We have decided that we do not want any more children.

This is my second marriage. My first marriage was a big failure. I studied in England and thought I fell in love there, so I got married to an English woman. She was a heavy smoker and she had a very filthy mouth. She cursed more than the Devil in Hell. When she got angry with me she called me a 'black bitch' or a 'black monkey'. I got tired of her behaviour, so we agreed to go our separate ways. No man was involved, and no other woman was involved. When the papers were filed, she said we should stop the process and try again, but my mind was already made up.

I came back to Jamaica and got myself a good job, and fell in love with the woman who interviewed me for the job that I am now in. She said the moment she saw me she fell in love with me. I cannot say the same because what I wanted was a job. I brought some money home, but it is invested. That was an understanding I had with my wife. She has her own home and it is in a very good neighbourhood. My wife can be very fussy, but I am a simple man. Both of us are active in church. I know she keeps her eyes on me, because she says the women in her church are always telling her that I am a handsome man.

I would like to go into the ministry, but I would have to leave our denomination, because they do not believe that a divorcee should be in charge of a congregation. What do you have to say about that? The minister says that I should just make up my mind to be a good layman. I hope you would give me some suggestions.

L.E.

Dear L.E.,

I am glad that you are happy with your Jamaican wife. Too often, many women who have married black men like to curse them and call them black. I would also like to tell you that as a counsellor, I have had to deal with cases in Jamaica where girls who are of light complexion have had to endure the abuse from parents because they fell in love with men of dark complexion. Let me give you an example: A young woman from a middle-class family, whose father was a top politician and who people looked up to, came to see me because she fell in love with a black man. Her mother constantly cursed her and asked her where she was going with this' black gorilla'. The young man was not ugly, but he was heavy. One could say that he was overweight. However, the young lady's mother didn't want him in the family at all. They were living in an upscale community. Her mother felt that she should be able to find a man who was in her 'class'. I spent a long time counselling that woman, but every time I heard the name of her father, and I consider how popular she was, I said to myself, what a pity that Jamaican people didn't know that his wife was such a racist.

My brother, many men have had to endure and suffer abuse from people who think that they are better than others. Therefore, I am glad that you are in a better relationship.

Now you are faced with the situation where you think that you are called to the ministry. However, the church you are attending does not support men who are divorced. You can go into the ministry, but if your denomination will not accept you as a pastor, you should consider becoming a lecturer in one of their training institutions. You should try to get a master's degree or a doctorate degree, and apply to become a lecturer.

Why don't you discuss what I have said with the head of your denomination? I wish you well.

Pastor