Proud to be the side chick

Dear Pastor,

I'm a 20-year-old female and I'm in love with a man who is twice my age. He's a businessman. He's very caring, sweet, kind and well-off.

Everything that you can want in a man, he possesses those qualities. I'm currently in my third year of university and he pushes me in such a positive way. He helps me in every way that he can, financially, emotionally, mentally; the whole works. He has shown and taught me a lot, including how a woman should be treated by a man.

The problem is that he has a family; he's living a double life. He has a daughter who is two years younger than I am. I know it's wrong for him to be having a relationship with me, but I consider myself to be his escape. And in all honesty, I love him. I know this will not be a forever thing. I'm not naive enough to think he'll leave his family for me. We've spoken about it before, but he is not a big fan of the topic.

I know this man loves me as well. He often talks about ways to implement a polygamous relationship with his partner and me, but I don't really see that happening. I respect his relationship; I don't overstep. I sometimes see his partner on the road and I see her on social media, but she doesn't know me. I don't get jealous or anything like that. When we are staying together, I give him his time to talk to her on the phone.

My parents don't know about the relationship, but they suspect that something is going on between us. I can sense that they don't really like it. This man and I have done some really deep things as it relates to sex. I always try to protect myself. I know that this relationship won't last forever and I know it's probably not good, but it's so enjoyable right now. It's like it has a drug effect on me.

Do you think I'm at fault? What should I do? Your feedback would be appreciated.

N.

Dear N.,

I believe what you are trying to say is that you have needs that this man is able to fill, and these needs are not just sexual.

You are not in a position to give this man anything apart from satisfying his emotional and sexual desires. I say desires because the man is married, and if sex is his need, then his wife should be able to satisfy that. Perhaps you are providing the 'extra' that he is not getting at home. I am not trying to be naughty, but many side girls give men what wives fail to.

Some men go further than the man you are talking about. Although they are married, some men may keep prostitutes as their side women, because prostitutes give them the extra kick that they lack at home. Remember, you said that this man and you have done some 'deep things'. When he thinks of leaving you, he remembers these deep things and you are not willing to give up these things, either.

You have not mentioned the amount he gives to you. But I pray that one of these days this man will come to his senses and walk away from you. But as a good man, he would have allowed you to get your degree so you can stand on your own and support yourself. Even if both of you should end the relationship with each other now, you would be doing yourself a favour because you would have peace of mind, which you do not enjoy now.

You know what is wrong and what is right. Both of you are at fault, so I will end my comments here.

Pastor