Abusive ex wants me back

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I was in a relationship that was very abusive. My boyfriend used to slap me for any little disagreement that we had.

I could not come out of the relationship because I had nowhere to go. I was born in the ghetto and I grew up there. This man took me from the ghetto and gave me a better life.

The only problem was that he was jealous and foolish. He had no reasoning ability. I couldn't talk to any of my male friends who went to school with me. He used to say all the time that my friends were low-class people and he had taken me out of the ghetto, but he couldn't get the ghetto out of me. He said that I was like a pig who loved mud, and although he had taken me and washed me off, I still went back in the mud.

My father had nine children and he didn't take care of us. So all of his daughters had to look to men to help us; there are five of us girls. Some of my sisters have done better. Their men don't beat them, but mine used to bust my ass when I made mistakes. This man wanted me to get pregnant for him, but I knew how to protect myself. Although he was so cruel, I never reported him to the police because I didn't want anybody to beat him up, and I didn't want to see him go to prison.

Fortunately, I got a visa to travel to the United States of America and I met a man; I am now engaged. Everything has happened so fast. My boyfriend in Jamaica is begging me to return to him. He said that he will treat me better and will not abuse me. I still love him, although he was so abusive. When I think of what I have gone through as a ghetto girl and what I am today, this guy is partly responsible for my progress.

My fiance wants us to get married around Thanksgiving time, when lots of his relatives will be together. My relatives will not be able to attend the wedding because they do not have visas. Do you think that I am doing the right thing? Please, let me know.

J.A.

Dear J.A.,

If you know that you love this man who is in America and you see a brighter future with him, go ahead and get married. The young man you had in Jamaica assisted you, but you should not marry a man who has been abusive.

I know that you are young, so I suggest that you and your fiance attend premarital counselling before you tie the knot. I wish you well for the future.

Pastor