My young husband has gone soft

Dear Pastor,

I am a 42-year-old woman and I have a situation that I want you to give me an understanding of. My husband is 46 years old and we have had 14 years of enjoyable sex life.

I went to a seminar for couples and my husband was bragging about how much he loves me and how we enjoy each other. But since my husband got to his 40s, I find it difficult to understand why he has changed. Sometimes when I want the man, he is not responding the way I think he should. He tells me many times that loving me is in his mind, but that's all there is. Sometimes I have to hold him and squeeze him when I want to satisfy myself. Sometimes he has difficulty in getting an erection, and he is not pretending.

My husband's penis is not even as long as it used to be. One marriage counsellor told me that my husband is going through male menopause. Do you know anything about that? Women go through menopause, but why do some people believe that men experience menopause also? Some women say that men suffer softness because they are not eating well.

My mother used to always boil roots for my father, and he used to drink his roots two or three times per week. He was a strong man. I don't know what went on between them in the bedroom and she did not discuss that with us girls. I wish I had paid more attention to her when she was boiling her roots for my father.

I find that when my husband has rested well, I can enjoy him. I ask him what he can do about getting back the length of his penis and he laughed and told me that I can get an artificial one. I told him we can work together because I would love to continue to feel the warmth of his body. I really want to know what is happening with my husband and what I can do to help him to regain the power that he used to have. So I hope to hear from you soon.

M.

Dear M.,

Psychologists who have spent years in studying what is called male menopause say that men in their mid-life experience a degree of lethargy, "bouts of depression fluctuating mood swings and difficulties in making love. They are exhibiting symptoms of male menopause, also known as viropause or andropause."

So while one may not hear much about menopause, there is no doubt that some men do experience some difficulty in keeping their spouses happy in bed as they were able to do. Some women are very patient with their men, but some are not. Women need to understand that when a man gets to a certain age, he may not get an erection quickly, and they may need physical stimulation and their erection might not be as firm as before. Their ejaculations might not be as forceful or intense.

You have observed that your husband's penis is not as long. In other words, what you are trying to say is that there is some shrinkage and you hate that. Men must learn to use what they have; if they don't use it, they may lose it. This is where good women come into play. Your husband might have many more years to go if you are patient with him and learn to enjoy what he has, and what he is able to do with what he has.

Let me hear from you again. Learn to work with your husband. When it is time for him to rest, let him rest.

Pastor