I should have knock out my ex’s teeth

Dear Pastor,

I will be 40 in a few months. I am faced with a problem and I need your wise advice. I do not have any children, so I adopted a niece and she is now 15. She is very bright and respectful.

I have had a man in my life. He is six years younger than me. He could not keep a job and when I first met him, he was a big ganja smoker. I was able to get him to stop the smoking, but he carried on his gambling habits. He was always asking me to buy him a car, so that he can use it as a taxi. I didn't ask anybody for advice, so I bought him a car. He wanted me to buy the car in his name, but I bought it in my name, so the car is mine.

When he got the car, he became a changed man. We had an agreement that he should not be on the road later than 9:30 p.m., but sometimes he is still on the road at midnight. I spoke to him over and over, and he said that's the best time to hustle money. I told him I will be satisfied with whatever he makes. Sometimes I only got $15,000 from him for the week. I found out from other taxi drivers that they make much more than that, so my boyfriend was ripping me off.

I decided I would watch him for a while. I have to pay insurance, buy tires and do general maintenance. I told him to bring in $4,000 every day, because I suspected he has another woman. I was washing his pants and I pushed my hands in his pocket and found a condom in it. He told me he did not know how it got ther. So, I slapped him and told him I am not an idiot, and he slapped me back. We had a struggle, so I told him to put the car keys on the table. He tried to get people to talk to me, but I decided that I will not give him the car.

He used to take some people to church every Sabbath and pick them up from church. I called the people and told them that I will make arrangement with someone else to pick them up. I know I should not have slapped him, but all these years he has been with me, I have got nothing from him except 'bed work', which he is good at. I have thrown him out of my house.

My adopted daughter was pleading for him because he has called her and asked her to beg me to take him back. I have a bag here with some of his clothes. If he does not come for them very soon, I am going to give them away. I bought some of those items of clothing for him when I went to New York. He has so many clothes that he has never worn, including a couple pair of jeans that I bought for him.

I am sorry that I did not slap him hard enough to knock out some of his teeth. The man has never paid rent and was using my car to run women. The car does not have on a red plate, so I can drive it and use it to go anywhere I want.

Do you think I am too hard on this man? He has gone back to his grandmother, who grew him. She and I got along very well and I call her 'Mama'. Pastor, if I was wrong to put this man out, please tell me.

A.

Dear A.,

You must have got very angry when you slapped this man. However, he should have accepted the slap and don't react. I know some people may say that I am wrong to take that position. Your cup was full. I have never supported women who abuse their men. Some men have not reacted violently, but there are others who say no woman should touch them. Perhaps this man stunned you by slapping you back and because of what transpired between both of you, it has caused a separation.

It does not appear that this man was honest. He should have given you more money every week. You suspected that he was giving money to another woman, but I don't know if that is so. However, judging by what other taximen have told you, you know that he was dishonest.

I am glad you bought the car in your name only. You may either keep it for your own personal use or sell it. I cannot recommend that you allow this man to walk back into your life. Let him go his way and face life without you.

Pastor