My husband admitted he slept with his sister

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old woman and I am married to a man I love with all my heart. From the first time we met, I fell in love with him.

He treats me very well, but I have always been suspicious about the type of relationship he has with one of his sisters. They are very close. She is very attractive and I have asked her how is it she does not have a boyfriend. She said she did not want any man unless I was prepared to give her my man who is her brother. I took it as a joke, and I told her that would be so impossible.

One day my husband and I were in bed and I told him that he should encourage his sister to get married, and he said I should go ahead and encourage her. Then he said because I raised the matter about him and his sister, he would like to tell me something. What he said shook me up. He said he and his sister have always loved each other, and because they were poor, they only had one bed in the room that they shared. Several times he and his sister had sex. He said when it first happened, they promised they would never do it again, but they did it again and again.

I got up and sat on the bed; I could not believe what I was hearing. He said his sister has never moved on; she loved him to the max, and he will never make anybody take advantage of her. I wish that my husband had never told me about it. When I say they are close, Pastor, I mean they are so close. I ask myself every day: can I ever forgive this man for having sex with his sister? I told my husband that if his sister loves him so much, it means that she will never be happy with another man. He said he hoped that I would never mention it to anybody.

This young lady has her own home and is in a very good job. To me, the only thing that is missing in her life is a man. Do I leave this matter alone as my husband suggested or should I encourage them both to go and see a counsellor? I cannot see my husband talking to a counsellor about this matter. Please give me your thoughts.

L.M.

Dear L.M.,

When your husband told you that he had sex with his sister, I don't believe that he thought it would have affected you as much as it has.

He probably thought that he confided in you about something that happened years ago. But you believe that your husband is a grossly immoral man and you shouldn't be sleeping with him. The point is, both of you are married and you were not aware that he and his sister were in love, to the extent where they were having sex. He has not defended the matter. He has not said 'well, nothing was wrong with it'. When his sister told you that the only man she would go with is your husband, she did not even realise that she was opening a can of worms, and that he would confess to you what they have done. That matter is between God and them.

It is not for you to make an appointment for them to see a family counsellor or psychologist. You may, however, caution your husband and tell him that you are hoping that he has not gone back to bed in recent times with his sister. But I can't tell you that you should leave your husband.

Pastor