Husband doesn’t dare cook pork around me

Dear Pastor,

I am 51 and my husband is 48. I had two children before I met him, and he had one.

We decided to get married because I had become an active member in a church. I told him that he will not be able to visit me, so it would be better for us to get married. He agreed. He did not have any money to buy me a ring, so I bought my own. My friends helped me to make a wedding gown.

My mother told me that I was rushing into marriage, but my father supported me. When my mother saw that we were determined to get married, she offered to help. We had a nice little wedding, and the pastor allowed us to use his yard for our reception with about 20 people. We did not have a wedding cake, but we served chicken, and ackee and salt fish.

My children respect my husband. They are all grown. One of the problems that I am having now is that I changed denominations. I used to be in a Sunday church, but now I am in a Saturday church. I have been trying to get my husband to change, but he has refused to do so. He has got my own children to turn against me. I do not cook pork any more. I told my husband that he should not use my pots or anything in the kitchen when he is cooking his pork. He has been ignoring me, and when I see how my children are not listening to me any more, it really hurts. This is the only problem I am having with my husband. He doesn't stop me from going to church on Saturdays, but he continues to play his music on a Saturday morning. When I told him that I would rather he play gospel, he said I can play gospel on Sundays.

My pastor spoke to him and asked him if he would just show me some respect. He told my pastor that I did not show respect to him when I changed denominations. The pastor was arguing with him and he said, "Pastor, I do not want to disrespect you, but you better go somewhere else and try to save souls." I was embarrassed. Imagine my husband talking to the pastor in that manner. Pastor, don't you believe that Saturday is the day we should worship? I hope that my husband will change, and that all our children will realise that the Bible says we should remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

First of all, I am happy to know that your husband and you have had a good relationship and that you consider him to be a good husband.

But I am deeply concerned that you have allowed religious beliefs to put a strain on your love life. You have changed your beliefs. You no longer worship God on a Sunday. According to you, you have become a Sabbath keeper, but your husband and the children continue to attend church on a Sunday. Why do you insist that your husband should keep the Sabbath and attend church on Saturdays? It seems to me that as long as you insist that he should abandon worshipping on Sundays and support worshipping on Saturdays, there will not be much harmony in the home.

You say that your husband likes to listen to music on a Saturday morning; I know what you mean. In recent times, I discover that a particular radio station plays some lovely reggae music. I must say that the songs are very upbeat and enjoyable. Why should that offend you? Why not learn to stay in your room, read your Bible and pray, and when it is time for you to go to church, leave the house? Don't try to force this man to change. He is not going to change. He has not taught the children anything that is bad, otherwise you would have mentioned it. They go to church with him on a Sunday, and I am sure they go on their own at times.

Let me just address one thing more. I knew a lady who was a Sabbath keeper and her husband was not. One day her husband cooked some pork and when his wife came home, she realised what he did and she threw away the pot. She told me that is what she did, and I asked how that can be Christian-like. If the pot was washed and turned down, and whatever utensils were used were washed, why destroy the pot? That would be foolish. You will have to find the knife or fork that was also used. Madam, cool it. Your husband knows that he should worship God every day. You are observing the Sabbath, and he is also taking time to worship and observe Sunday as his day of rest. Leave your husband alone.

Pastor