Ashamed that I’m pregnant for a married man

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 years old and I have a boyfriend. First of all, I must say that I am not lucky when it comes to men.

Five years ago, I met a man and we decided that in order to save money, we would live together. I was living with my sister and we split the rent. I really did not enjoy living with my sister because she has three children and they were very noisy. So when I met this man and he suggested that we could rent a place together, I looked into it and it did not take me long to agree.

He got me pregnant, but I lost the baby. His sisters told him that I threw away the belly. I was surprised to know that he believed that I would do such a thing. Why would I abort the pregnancy when he and I wanted to have a child? I asked him if he really believed that I had an abortion and he said anything is possible, so I became very unhappy in the relationship. I left him and went back to live at my sister's place. He has begged me to forgive him, but I could not do that.

The relationship that I am presently having is with a married man. He is not getting along with his wife, but he is still living with her. They have two children. I do not always see him because he has to divide his time between his family and me. I know you will not agree with me, but I am pregnant again. I wanted to prove to myself that I could get pregnant again. This time, this man who got me pregnant is encouraging me to have an abortion. He said he has always denied that he and I are intimate. Somebody told his wife that he is often seen with me, and he told his wife that we are just very good friends. How would he now admit to her that he has got me pregnant? Some of my female co-workers ask me who is the lucky father and I told them that he is not in Jamaica. I am so ashamed to be carrying a 'stomach' for a married man, but I am happy to be pregnant.

I called my ex-boyfriend and I told him that I am pregnant, and if he wants this child, I could let him have it. He told me that the one that I destroyed is the one he wants. So you see, even to this day he still believes that I aborted the pregnancy. My present boyfriend has given up asking me to do an abortion. I would never subject myself to an abortion. I told him that he should inform his wife that he got me pregnant and if he does, I would consider it my responsibility to inform her. He said that he would tell her that I am lying. What do you think I should do?

H.L.

Dear H.L.,

The question that you have asked me is very easy to answer. You are pregnant, you wanted to get pregnant, and therefore I would encourage you to have your baby.

I will not encourage you to do an abortion. The man who got you pregnant has encouraged you to terminate the pregnancy because he is a married man and he lives with his wife. You knew that he was married with children, but you didn't care. You just wanted to get pregnant again to prove to yourself that nothing is wrong with you.

So now that you are pregnant you shouldn't be fretting. You should be happy. The man is fretting, because now he will have to tell his wife the truth. But that shouldn't be your business. He should face that matter with his wife. Because you know that your female friends are going to criticise you and say that they did not expect you to allow a married man to get you pregnant, you have been lying and telling them that the baby's father is abroad.

Take it from me, soon after you have the child, your friends will know that the father is the man you have been seen with. So do not be an idiot. Register the child in the man's name and insist that he supports his child.

You say that you are unlucky with men; I would say that is not true. Although you are 32, you are naive. Don't roll over and give yourself to any man who asks you for your stuff. I cannot say that I am sorry for you.

Pastor