Husband forcing me to have sex because he wants a son

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years old and I am married. Before I got married, my husband and I discussed how many children we would like to have.

We agreed that two would be enough. I was 23 when I got married to this man and in less than a year, I found myself pregnant. I gave birth to a girl and my husband said he would accept the girl, but he wished the child was a boy. Two years later, I became pregnant again and I gave birth to another girl and my husband was upset. He told me we will have to try again because he can't imagine not having a boy to carry his name. He is the only boy for his parents. He has two sisters. I told my husband that I did not want to get pregnant again. I continued to buy the condoms for him and he refused to use them. So whenever he wanted us to have sex, I reached for the condom. I used to put on the condom for him. He started to fuss with me every time, so many times I refused to have sex because I knew he would get me pregnant.

My husband never used to use expletives, but when he could not have his way, he did. He is a very strong man. A couple of times he told me to open my 'what's it what's it' and he literally forced me to have sex. So I moved out of our room and I slept on the couch for a whole month. One night he came and woke me up and said that he wanted sex. I told him I did not want to have sex with him and the man slapped me. I went down on the floor and was on my belly. When I realised that he was going to push his private parts into my anus, I begged him not to do so and I went on the bed and he had sex with me. I cried for the rest of the night.

My husband became a Rastafarian and he believes that something is wrong if a man does not have a son. I am not going to allow him to get me pregnant because I can hardly manage the two children that we have and he does not always get jobs as a construction worker. I told him that we should go for counselling; he is unwilling. I don't want my husband to go out and have another child. I secretly went on the pill, but he found out and he cursed me. He said I am only on the pill because I have another man. I have never had another man. I am still on the pill, but I have to keep it in my drawer at my workplace. He feels that I am not on the pill any more, but I am. I feel as if I am living a lie.

M.

Dear M.,

I would say to you, continue to take your pill. Before you got married, it was not a matter of decision whether you would have more than two children if they were girls.

I knew a man very well and he was married. He and his wife had four girls and he was still hoping to get a boy, so they kept going until they had five girls. These men who insist that they must have sons to carry their name seem to be going too far. You probably heard of this particular leader who was the president in his own country. He divorced his wife and the reason he gave was that she could not give him a son.

Madam, don't feel guilty for taking the pill. Men don't get pregnant; women do. Your husband will never know by experience what a pregnant woman endures. I do not expect everybody to support me or to agree with what I said, but that is where I stand.

Pastor