Ex-boyfriend wants me to leave my husband

Dear Pastor,

I will soon be 34 years old. I have a story to tell you. When I was about 20, I was friendly with a man.

This man treated me very well. He had a chance to go to America, but we kept in touch with each other. He eventually told me that he met a woman in America and she offered to marry him so that he could get his papers. I asked him what about me, and he said that if the relationship doesn't work out, he will divorce her and marry me. I was very sad, but I told him that he should do what he had to do. He and I remain very good friends, but he moved on with his life.

About five years later, I got pregnant by a guy who was my schoolmate. We got married. I told him about this guy who was in America and why we broke up. We laughed about it. He said his loss was his gain. After so many years, this first guy came to visit Jamaica and was staying with his sister and wanted to see me. I went to see him and when I got home, my husband was very upset. I told him that we did not go anywhere and his sister was in the house, and all of us laughed and talked. I also told my husband that this guy's marriage did not work, so he is divorced. My husband told me that I should not see him again because 'old fire stick easy to catch', and this man might be still in love with me.

The man was in Jamaica for two weeks, and every day my husband asked me if I heard from him. He even asked me if I have any feelings for him, and I told him that I didn't hate him. I did not realise that I should not have said that to him. But I spoke the truth. This man came back to Jamaica and all we did when I met him at his sister's house was to hug and greet each other. Sex was not on my mind, and he did not invite me out. But he did ask me how my marriage was going and I told him that it is fine.

Since this man returned to America, he has told me on the phone how pretty I looked and whether I would consider divorcing my husband and marrying him. I told him it is too late for that because my husband and I have a child together. He said he would accept the child as his own. I cannot say that to my husband. But I feel so confused. All kinds of crazy things are going through my mind.

My husband and I are struggling. Our rent is high and we do not earn a lot of money, but we are coping. I am a nurse, and I understand from some of my colleagues who are now doing nursing in America that I can earn much more than I am earning now. I have never thought of divorcing my husband. But I am wondering whether it would be wrong to do so. I would like you to give me your opinion.

E.T.

Dear E.T.,

Indeed, it is said that old fire stick easy to catch. When true former lovers meet, love may rekindle.

If they do not try to control their emotions, they may end up in bed. That does not have to happen. They can control themselves; and if their emotions are out of control, they do not have to see each other.

Your husband didn't want you to take chances with this man. He didn't want you to go near to him, because of what you told him about the relationship that both of you had together. Your husband is jealous, but he is not a fool. You should tell this man that you are happily married. Your husband has not done you any wrong. So you do not want to entertain any thought of having an affair with him. Nip that in the bud now. Your husband and you might not be earning a lot of money, but if you love each other, you will get along fine.

Pastor