Girlfriend says my ‘tool’ is not big enough

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope you can help me. I was married twice and is divorced.

I am now having a relationship with a young woman who was never married, but this relationship is almost one year old. I have changed my life. I have become a member of a church and I was given an office in it. The pastor has encouraged me to get married again. He said that as a single man, the women are likely to rush me. He told me that he did not believe in divorce and remarriage, but in my situation children are not involved. He suggested that I should get to know a particular sister in the church who was never married.

I started to go out with her and we have hit it off well. It did not take long for her to confide in me that she has had sexual partners. So I told her that would not bother me. On Independence Day, we had sex and she told me afterwards that she was disappointed. She thought that I was much larger, but she would 'work with it'. I felt embarrassed; I have done everything to increase my size. A couple of weeks ago, we tried to have sex again and this time, all she did was laugh when I asked her if there was any improvement.

I would love to get married to this girl, but she is not much of a saint as the pastor thought. I wonder whether I would be doing the right thing. She is very lovely, but if I marry her and the relationship doesn't work, I would have to divorce her. But which other woman would ever trust me? It is bothering me. I cannot continue to see her if I have doubts in my mind, but I feel inadequate. So please, give me your advice. I will not do anything until I hear from you. I thank you in advance for your advice.

K.P.

Dear K.P.,

I would like to suggest that you discuss your situation with this young woman with whom you have fallen in love. Suggest to her that both of you should go and see a family counsellor now that you have discovered that there is a problem. I hasten to say to you, sir, that although a young woman might be attending church, when she falls in love with a man, she expects that man to perform sexually because she knows that there is a time and place for everything. There is a time to read the Bible. There is a time to sing hymns and spiritual songs, and there is a time to make love. Being holy does not mean that when a woman is married, she doesn't want to be sexually satisfied.

I don't think you are telling me everything, because you were married twice and your previous wives would have told you where you came up short. But if they didn't tell you, the marriage counsellor will discuss these things with you and your present girlfriend, and make suggestions. Perhaps you also need to see a sex therapist. But before I go, let me warn you. Please do not get married to this woman unless both of you receive counselling. I wish both of you well.

Pastor