Wish my girlfriend was as calm as my side chick

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian young man. I grew up with my mother because my father left my twin brother and I and went abroad when we were five years old.

He used to call us, but then he stopped. My mother told us that he found another woman, so we should not even think about him any more. My mother went back to her parents, and we all had to sleep on one bed. Sometimes we slept with our grandparents. My grandfather didn't like that because he wanted to sleep with grandma; so he used to quarrel and call our father a deadbeat.

When my brother and I were about seven years old, my mother found another man and she went to live with him. He told her that she could take her children, but he did not treat us right, so my mother left him. She went to live alone and this man kept coming to visit her and promised that he would change. She took him in, but it was not for long. He wanted to control her and my mother told him that she was not into that, and she had to protect her children. Then she found out that he had another girlfriend. He told my mother that was not a good relationship and he intended to marry her. My mother told him that she did not want his ring, she wanted him to leave and not come back.

One night, this man and my mother had a fight, because he insisted that they should have sex. My mother was not interested in having sex with him. He tried to hold her down, but she got away and ran out of the house wearing only her night clothes. A couple of neighbours came out and my mother told them that she had been asking the man to leave. The neighbours spoke to him and asked him to go; he left. My mother did all types of jobs to earn money and to send us to school. My brother and I did fairly well in school and both of us attended UTech. We own a business together.

I have a lady friend. I am trying to protect this relationship. She was in a relationship before me. That guy did not treat her well. My mother is living with us and she is always encouraging me and telling me that I should treat my woman right. I have other girlfriends, and the one I am living with suspects that there are others.

My mother loves my girlfriend. She respects my mother and they get along well. My mother says that I should learn to spend more time with my girlfriend. She told my mother that she is very suspicious of me, because I always come home late and I don't spend enough time with her. That is true, Pastor, but I find her to be very miserable. The other girl I am seeing is accommodating, and sometimes I am so relaxed at her home that I fall asleep on her bed. If my girlfriend would stop nagging me, I would spend more time at home with her.

H.L.

Dear H.L.,

Your mother is doing her very best to encourage you to go right.

She does not want to see you waste your life by having one woman at home, and spending quality time with a side girl. The woman at home should have all the time. If you do not change your lifestyle, you are going to lose this good woman. She will become fed up of your behaviour, and another man will take her away from you. You know she is a good woman, but good women often get disgusted when wild men are not willing to control themselves.

Foolish men waste their money and their strength on side women. Ask yourself the question: what does your side woman have that your woman at home does not have? You say that your woman at home is miserable. So I may ask, why you find her to be miserable? I am sure you find her to be miserable because you are not treating her right. So look into your life and change your attitude towards her. Stop fooling around. Don't put any woman above your woman at home.

Perhaps in the coming new year, you should make a resolution to spend more time with your woman at home. I wish you well.

Pastor