Wife has lost interest in sex since giving birth

Dear Pastor,

I am 36 years old and I am married. Six months ago, my wife gave birth to a lovely baby boy. It was what I needed.

I always wanted my first child to be a boy and that is what has happened. I am hoping that our next child will be a girl. I am involved in sports and I will take great pride in taking my son to games.

But since my wife gave birth, our sex life has not been the same. She has totally changed. She has lost interest in having sex. I was told that it is not unusual for women not to want sex soon after they have given birth. But it is over six months now and my wife keeps telling me that she is tired. When she says that, I tell her to rest and we will try later, but later in the night or early in the morning she is still tired.

I know that she is not cheating. She is a good Christian woman. When she had the baby, she had a little tear, but everything is healed up now and she has done postnatal exercises. So I am wondering why she is making so many excuses. Am I too hard on my wife? Please tell me if I am, and how I can get my wife to consent for both of us to get back to having a good sexual relationship like we use to have.

D.R.

Dear D.R.,

Congratulations to you both for becoming parents. You say that things between your wife and you are not the same since she has given birth.

It is not unusual, as you have indicated, for some women to lose interest in sex after they have given birth. Your wife might be genuinely tired, especially if she has resumed her regular job. By the time she gets home in the evenings, she is knocked out, so to speak. Then she might be preoccupied with the baby. Sometimes this matter of being tired may last a long time and a mother might become depressed, and may even think that her husband is unreasonable in asking her to make love to him.

You may have to use good judgement and ask your mother or the baby's godparents to keep the child for a weekend or two, so that your wife will have enough time to rest, and for both of you to be together without interruption. If the situation with your wife does not improve, you should encourage her to seek the help of her doctor. You should also accompany her to the doctor.

Pastor