Not going to my mother-in-law for Christmas

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in Jesus' name. My husband and I are 26. We have a boy and a girl.

I love my husband, and I know he loves me. But his mother does not love me. She did not want him to marry me, but we have been friends since we were in high school. From the time we first had sex in our classroom, he told me that he would marry me. I did not want to have sex with him. We were there after school was dismissed and our math teacher did not show up, and we started to fool around with each other. I kept pushing his hands away, but he promised that if I had sex with him, he would marry me. I told him to go away because he is just like his father. He told me that his father had 10 children.

He told me he would not discharge in me. We went into the corner of the classroom and we had sex. From that day, we became closer and although other guys have tried to get me to go out with them, I never did. Girls have told me that I shouldn't trust him because he was too handsome, and handsome guys don't stick with one girl. He did better than me in school, but we all ended up at HEART and we stayed together.

His mother got to know me, and she told him that she didn't like me. But he told her that of all the girls that he knew, I am the best one. Finally she gave in. She attended our wedding, but at the reception she was sulky. I have tried to be respectful to this lady. When I was pregnant with my first child and I went to her house, she didn't greet me as if she was glad to see me. I got pregnant again, but she did not come to the christening.

The family meets every Christmas for dinner. It was kept at our home last year; she was the only family member who was absent. My husband had to take her dinner to her. This year it will be kept at her house, but I told my husband I will not be going; he said I must go. I told him that he would have to tie me up and drive me there. He can take the children. I plan to bake a cake and send it, but I will not go to her house. I can't eat with her because I know she hates me, and I have not done anything wrong. My husband says that I will be embarrassing him.

I plan to get sick and tell everybody that I am not feeling well. I am good at pretending that I am ill. Whenever I don't want to go to work, and I want to take a day, I call in sick to my workplace. So I can call in sick for the Christmas dinner.

These women should learn to accept the women that their sons have chosen. My mother-in-law has never accepted me, so why should I go to her house for Christmas?

L.Y.

Dear L.Y.,

Your husband has told you the truth; you would be embarrassing him if you do not attend the family dinner.

It is time for you to put what your mother-in-law has done behind you. She doesn't have to love you. Your husband loves you. Of course, it would have been good if she accepted you as a part of the family. Some mothers-in-law seem to take delight in trying to control their sons. They fail to understand that love doesn't go like that. She did not have a right to tell her son what to do with his life.

From the day both of you misbehaved in the classroom, he made a pledge that he would marry you and he kept his promise. He did not have to, but he did so because he loves you. He said he loves you more than the other girls he met.

I know you want to feel that you are accepted by all as an in-law, but not attending the dinner may make matters worse. On the other hand, you would want to feel very comfortable at your mother-in-law's house. So if you do not feel that you can play the hypocrite and go to the dinner, stay away. But don't say anything negative against her. May I wish you a very Merry Christmas, my dear?

Pastor