I need more sex from my spouse

Dear Pastor,

I am a 29-year-old woman. I have one son, who lives with my mother. His father does not support him.

I cannot depend on his father for anything. I have thought about taking him to court, but he has threatened me, so my father advised me not to go that route.

Two years ago, I met the man I am presently living with. He is very good to me. I was attending college when I met him and he supported me through that. I moved in with him. He was married, but got divorced. I have everything to my comfort, and this man has a very good job. He bought me a car. He does not want me to take the bus at all, and he said that he does not trust men who drive taxis. Sometimes he encourages me to bring my son to spend weekends with us. He likes my son. He has two children of his own. I would like the both of us to have one, but he is not interested. He is 49 years old.

He tells everybody that I am his wife. When we go out together, he likes to show me off. I do have a problem with him. He can handle himself well in bed, but when he ejaculates, that's it. Sometimes when that happens, I am just ready. But I cannot arouse him. All he wants to do is to sleep. He does not like it when I caress him; he tells me to go to sleep. Sometimes I allow him to sleep, and then I try later on in the night to let him know that I need him again. But he constantly reminds me that he has to go to work the following day so I should try and sleep. He calls me greedy.

I do not want to be unfaithful to this man because he has been the best man I have ever had, but I do want to have more. When we actually have sex, it is for about 15 minutes. I have a friend who I was telling about my problem. She said that 15 minutes is a long time for a man to be having sex with his woman, so I should learn to be satisfied.

I.L.

Dear I.L.,

Let us reason a little. You said you are 29 and this man is 49. He is a good man.

He took you with a child and he has been supporting you. He helped you through school. But the only area that you are dissatisfied with is the sexual aspect. You should remember, however, that you are only 29 years old and this man is 49, so he is 20 years older than you. This man is not as energetic as you, but he is doing well. Whenever both of you have sex, he goes to sleep immediately afterwards. That is a complaint that many women have. They complain all the time that their men fall asleep immediately after making love with them and they would prefer if their men would hug them and talk, and even 'engage in the afterglow'. Perhaps this man and you should not engage in lovemaking too often during the week. You should allow him to sleep at nights, because he has to go to work the following day. Both of you could agree to engage in lovemaking on weekends, when he will not have to go to work. So he probably would not have many complaints of tiredness. But, I repeat, this man is doing well. Consider your age, and please do not be tempted to cheat on this man, because it is likely that he would find out and chase you away from his house. You would have lost a good man.

Pastor