Married boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

Dear Pastor,

I will be 20 in December and I have found myself pregnant.

The man who got me pregnant is encouraging me to terminate the pregnancy because he does not want another child. I told him that he should have thought about that before, and he said I am old enough to protect myself. This man has been helping me a lot, but since I got pregnant, he has been pressuring me to do an abortion. He is 24 and his wife has a two-year-old daughter. I told him that I will not call his name; only my parents would know that he is the father of the child.

My father is very upset with me for becoming pregnant, but he has quieted down. My mother said that I should not do an abortion. She promised to keep the baby, but this man will have to send money to us every week or two to support the baby. We will not let anyone outside the family know that he is the father.

I would like to get married in the future, so I will have to tell my husband who is the father of my child. My mother said my husband might agree to adopt the child. Whenever I talk to the man who got me pregnant, he says that he did not want our relationship to break up, because he is still in love with me. I told him that I no longer want to have anything to do with him, because if he loves me he should not tell me to do an abortion.

His wife has a big job with the government and she is older than he is. I am going to be a single mother, but I will keep a low profile. I have eight subjects and my goal is to become a lawyer; but I have made a terrible mistake by getting pregnant. He had promised to withdraw and not to discharge in me, but he did not keep his word and pull out; everything went in me. I am angry with him, not so much because he got me pregnant, but because he wants me to have an abortion, and I believe that is murder. He said that cannot be murder because the child has not developed into a person.

Since I realised that I am pregnant and I told him the situation, we have not had sex. He tried to have sex with me, but I told him no. Please give me your advice.

N.,

Dear N.,

I would have to encourage you to carry the pregnancy, and even if his wife should find out that you got pregnant by him, he would have to deal with that on his own.

He told you that what you are carrying has not yet developed into a child. That is a wrong and very cruel thing to say. What you are carrying is life, and it is the life of a human being. So this man is talking nonsense. He had promised not to ejaculate in you, but if this man would be honest with himself, then all men would be honest with themselves, too. They would have to admit that when a man is about to ejaculate, it is the sweetest part of sex and they hardly have control over their ejaculations.

I can understand how upset your parents were when you told them that you were pregnant. Sometimes fathers are more upset than mothers, especially when the fathers know that they have done their very best to support or to educate their daughters. Now the daughters have failed them by becoming pregnant.

You have made a terrible mistake, but your life has not come to an end. You can bounce back. Your mother says that if you were to get married, perhaps your husband might want to adopt the child. Whether he agrees to adopt the child or not, you would always be the mother of this child. Your father can play a great role in your daughter's life.

The baby's father ought to be ashamed to blame you for what has happened. Both of you have been irreresponsible. I wish you well as you pursue a law career. Try your best not to get sexually involved for a long time to come.

Pastor