Desperate to help my depressed ex

Dear Pastor,

I am a single female who has been through a lot in life, and I am still trying to find my way.

I work and pay my own bills. I am educated and I have a good job. Everything seems to be working for me, except when it comes to relationships. Four months ago my ex-boyfriend and I had a very uncomfortable conversation, where I said some things and it hurt his feelings. He has been going through a phase of depression and was on medication for it. However, the pills have some side effects which caused some disruptions when it comes to sex. He had premature ejaculation or he would not ejaculate at all. Because of that, most times he was not in the mood for sex or sexy time.

I'm a very understanding person and I was willing to go through this with him. I told him that his mental health comes first and that sex can wait. However, after a few days, I was drinking and was in the mood for some sexy time. I started giving him signs and he missed all of them, so I got up and went into the room. When he came in, I asked him if he was not attracted to me. He did not answer, so I said, "This is so embarrassing." I was referring to me wanting him and he did not feel the same way. He just looked at me and left the room and stayed on the sofa all night. I went to him and asked him to come to bed, but he said he was fine, but I could see that he was hurt. I tried to explain to him that I was referring to me begging him as being embarrassing, and not him or his situation. I sat with him crying and trying to empathise, but it seems as if he took it the wrong way, and that was the last of it for him. He did not sleep the whole night and told me that we need to take some time apart; he needed some space. I said that I need to go back to my home.

It has been over four months now, but nothing has changed. I tried texting and calling him but he is not reaching out, nor does he seem to care any more. I really hope he comes around with time, because he is the first man to ever see me and accept me for all my flaws. He is such a good man and I just want him to be happy with me. I also believe that he is my person and we were meant to be, because we had a pure and genuine connection before all this and we made each other happy. I pray to God every day to bring him back to my life, and pray that time brings us together and not apart.

I need some advice. Should I keep fighting for what we had or give up and move on, even though I don't want to do that? Do you think he will eventually come around? And if yes, what would I need to do to show him that I am really sorry and would never make him feel like that again? How do we repair a relationship like that? I really do hope you respond.

B.H.

Dear B.H.,

You said this man has had some problems and the medicine for his depression has had side effects.

What this man may need to do is to go back to his doctor and tell him or her about the current situation. You have tried to empathise, but he does not believe that you have done enough and that is why he has suggested that you should leave.

Sometimes when a man is suffering, it is not always a physical problem; it can also be a psychological problem. So it might not be a bad idea if you would suggest that this man should go to see a psychologist, who would help him to overcome or to deal with his depression and his erectile problems.

Give this man some time. Text him and encourage him not to give up on life, and assure him also of your prayers. Thank you for sharing with me. I assure you of my prayers.

Pastor