Jealous boyfriend has me uneasy

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old. My mother told me that I am too young to be having this problem. I blame myself for telling her. She has always told me not to hide anything from her.

A year ago I told her that I had met a man and he told me that he liked me. I told him I was not interested in having a boyfriend, because a boyfriend would not fit into my future plans. However, we kept talking and I got to the place where I started to like him.

We went out one day and I saw one of my schoolmates. He came over to our table and greeted us. I introduced my schoolmate to my friend and he left. On our way from the restaurant, my friend told me that I disrespected him. I asked him in what form, and he said we were out having a private dinner and a man came to our table and I introduced the man to him. He is constantly asking me about this guy. He wants to know when was the last time I saw him and when was the last time I spoke to him.

This guy was only my schoolmate; we have never had any physical contact. We have never gone on a date.

My boyfriend is of Indian descent and when I told my mother what happened, my mother told me that Indians can be very jealous. So the next time we are out together, I should not say a word to any of my male friends, because I know now that he is a jealous man.

There is no reason for this man to be jealous. I am a poor girl and he is a poor guy. I have not done anything to cause him to doubt my sincerity. A friend of mine told me that the reason he said I disrespected him is because he has low self-esteem and he cannot trust himself, so he feels that he should not trust me.

What do you think, Pastor?

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

You did not give the age of your boyfriend, but clearly he is a man with low self-esteem. You are probably his first girlfriend and he doesn't even know how to control himself and his thoughts. When he is with you and you see a person of the opposite sex, and you know that person, he has negative thoughts. He believes if you talk to them he is going to lose you.

His outlook for the future is not good. Such a young man needs professional help. The earlier he gets help, the better it will be for your relationship with him or with another person.

Don't rough him up. Don't call him stupid. Don't tell him that he ought to grow up, but in your mind, you know that he is still behaving as a child. Tell him that you cannot ignore your friends; your friends will always be your friends.

Your mother said Indians are jealous, but this has nothing to do with his race. The man just needs help. He needs to learn how to conduct himself when he is out with you.

Pastor