One of my boyfriends is not into romance

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I would like you to tell me what to do. At present, I am seeing two guys and I love them both. One is very romantic, and I like that he loves to use his fingers all over me and makes me feel good. He doesn't have much to give me but I am working, so whenever he can give me something I appreciate it. He is 23 years old. The other guy is much older, but he does not know anything about romance. He just comes to see me, asks me for sex, jumps on me, discharges in me and jumps off. The thing that keeps us going is because he is able to give me lots of money.

I celebrated my birthday recently and he bought me a new television and a new phone. I expected the phone from him because he knew that my phone was giving trouble, but I did not expect this large television. He brought the television and the phone to my house and decided to set up the television. I thought the man would stay with me for the night but instead, when the television started to work, he took off my clothes and by the time I could say thanks, he jumped on me, discharged and went into the bathroom. I was so vexed that I went into the bathroom, cursed him and told him that I would love for him to be more romantic. He said that he gave me what I wanted so I should be satisfied.

I know you will say that I am bad, but I called the other guy and I told him that I wanted him to come over. Within half an hour, he was there to see me. I live with my grandmother. She saw when he was coming and told me to be careful. This guy fixed me up properly. He did not ask me where I got the television. He just said, "I see you have a new television, can you give me the old one?" And I said ,"Take it when you're going."

The guy who gave me the television called me when he got home and the other fellow was with me. He asked me if I was okay and I told him yes. As I said, he is not romantic, but I can always depend on him for money to do my hair, nails and other things. How can I get him to be more romantic?

Please give your advice.

- J.S.

Dear J.S,

Some women love lots of foreplay, while others are not interested in that.

In one of my counselling sessions, a young woman told me that if the man is going to have sex with her, he should not bother about foreplay; just come on, do it, and be done with it. I said, "Is that right?" She said yes. She said that she did not want any man to be playing with her body. She could not deal with that. I believe that she is in the minority, because the majority of women complain when their men are not romantic and do not engage in foreplay.

You have these two men in your life. The younger man spends time in getting you aroused, and the older man does not make any time for that. You want both things. You want the older man's money and the things he can afford to buy for you, but at the same time, when it comes to lovemaking, he is short on that. The younger man doesn't have much, but he can excite you, and when he is finished romancing you, you feel satisfied. But I cannot encourage you to have these two men in your life; you are playing with fire. So decide which one of these men you wish to have permanently. Remember, this older man can learn. You can teach him what to do. You are a woman of experience. You can buy books, and both of you can read these books and let this younger man go his way.

On the other hand, I must ask you this question. Which of these guys do you really love more? I asked the question because the younger one might excite you, but you do not love him as much as the older man. So although I have said that you can teach the older man, it is your choice. Answer the question about which you love more, and stay with the one that you genuinely love.

Pastor