Husband thinks I love sex too much

Dear Pastor,

I just turned 50 and I got married recently. I have four children by three different men. They are all doing well. Only one is living with us, the other three are living with their fathers' relatives.

My husband is 10 years younger than me. It was not an issue when I agreed to marry him. I know I could not continue the way I was going, because it has always been a struggle for me to live without a man. I got into problems with the father of my eldest child. I cheated on him and he found out and gave me a proper beating. I did not report him because I was so ashamed; the man I cheated with was his uncle. My boyfriend said he could not forgive me for what I did, because I knew that the man was his uncle.

He gave me some money and told me that he would always support his child, and he has. This child and I are very close. Her father has never let me down by telling her why we broke up. My other children were for two other men, but they cannot step into the shoes of my first child's father. Some of them only wanted sex and I gave it to them. I was like a prostitute to them. None of them asked me to marry them.

When I met this young man, I fell in love with him. He does everything for me. I started to sleep with him and instead of making him breakfast, he made breakfast for me. He cleaned my shoes and the house and even wash my car. He scrubbed my back. He said his parents taught him to do everything. His mother asked him about my age and when he told her, she thought he was making a mistake by marrying a much older woman. Sometimes he tells me that I like to make love too often, and I do not behave as a 50-year-old woman, but I am. I don't want my husband to get involved with any other woman. I tell myself that it is better for me to give him and he refuses it, than for me not to give him and he goes on the road for it.

My daughter and my husband get along very well. Sometimes when I see them arguing in a good way, I tell myself that he should have been her father. My mother, who is 70, told me to hold on to this man because I will never find another like him. Some men like to fuss when their women do not cook. But this man comes home from work and cooks dinner for me. The car that I drive to work is his car, but he allows me to drive it and he takes the bus. What more can I want?

I still have this desire to have sex, plenty of it too, and I wonder if something is wrong with me. What do you suggest I do?

F.B.

Dear F.B.,

You have had bad experiences. When you were younger, you probably weren't looking for men to bring you to orgasm. It was just sex, and you allowed yourself to get pregnant four times. You were not even careful. Some people might say that you flirted too much and you did not respect your relationship that you had with the father of your first child. If you had any respect for him, you would not have got involved with his uncle. However, it is not for me to condemn you. I am glad that although this man beat you when he realised what you did, it did not go further than that. He continued to be a good father. He could have broken up with you and not beat you.

You have been fortunate to find a good husband. There are some men who occasionally make breakfast for their women and cook other meals for them, but your husband is not afraid; he does it all the time.

Concerning your sexual appetite. You love it so much that you are thinking that something is probably wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You are at the stage where you shouldn't look at lovemaking as just having sex. Making love is much more than that. You have to take time to do all that is required in lovemaking. Don't kill your husband because he is younger. Don't just have sex, make love to him. All is well with you, my dear, enjoy your love life.

Pastor