Babyfather doesn’t care about me or our child

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column in THE STAR and I love your opinions. I'm in a relationship with a man who I met at my workplace more than two years now. I'm 30 and he's 37.

When I met him, he told me he was a Christian and he attends the Seventh-day Adventist Church. I thought I had met the perfect guy, someone to settle down with. But after five months in the relationship, I got pregnant by him. That was something I didn't want and didn't plan for because I already have a child.

The relationship was good until I got pregnant. He doesn't have any children. So this would be his first child. He was with me financially, but emotionally he wasn't. I worked to the very time I was to give birth, and from work, I was rushed to the hospital to give birth. He always visited me at the hospital, but he was always coming when visiting hours had ended. He never came to my house to visit me and the child. But one day he eventually came.

As a woman, one can know when your partner is not faithful to you. I found out that during my pregnancy, he was sleeping with another co-worker. That shook me up. We had an argument about it and he said that he and the woman were just friends and they would always be friends. I used to go to his house to clean it, wash his clothes and cook. He used to tell me that he did not have any woman who had ever done these things for him. I even bought clothes, deodorant and other things for him. But I realised that I wanted a partner with whom I could settle down, but that was not what he wanted.

Do you think that I am rushing this man and pushing myself on him? Should I leave him and allow God to guide me? I am such a sad person inside because I have gone through a lot.

K.F.

Dear K.F.,

This man is not showing any interest in you. His heart is not with you. He does not have any future plans for you. Regardless of what he wants to say now, his actions show that he does not see you as the woman that he would marry.

While you were pregnant, he did not treat you well. At the hospital, he did not take the time to visit you. It is unfortunate that you did not realise that you were wasting your time with this man. And even now, you are chasing after this bubble that has already burst.

How could a man whose woman has given birth not run to the hospital to visit her and the newborn? How could a good man allow his woman to be at work up to the very hour she gave birth? He didn't care about you then, and he doesn't care about you now. It should not be difficult for you to see that he has interest elsewhere. He is a wicked and ungrateful man. To hang around him is to make yourself ill. So I beg you to move on. Insist that he supports his child, but end this relationship now.

Pastor