Tired of living with my in-laws

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time that I am writing to you. I wrote to you when I was a teenager. Now I am married and pregnant. We are living in the home of my husband's parents.

My husband and I are teachers and as you know, teachers are not well paid, but we are grateful because we do not have to pay rent.

We occupy two bedrooms; you can call it the small side of the house. I am eager to leave my in-laws' house, but my husband thinks that we should stay here until we are able to buy a place of our own. That was not the plan before we got married. We were supposed to live here for six months, then rent a place and live by ourselves.

The only thing we have bought since we got married is a new refrigerator. Everything was already here, because this portion of the house is where his sister used to live. It is very convenient. But I am not feeling satisfied living here for free and my in-laws are senior citizens.

My husband did not show this side of himself when we were going out. Whenever I tell him that we should seek a place of our own, he says his parents like having us around, and we are saving money. I know what this house would cost if we were renting and every month, unknown to my husband, I have put away that amount of money. My husband is more interested in purchasing a new car. He talks about that every day; I am interested in purchasing a home of our own.

His sister will be visiting the island in December and she will have to stay with us. I don't like that idea, but my husband does not see anything wrong with that.

Please, tell me if I am wrong. Thank you for reading my letter.

F.J.

Dear F.J.,

Your husband has not yet learnt to stand on his own and to be independent. Both of you are working, so you should plan to buy a house, even if it is a two-bedroom unit.

That would be your own house. Then as the months go by, you can do additions to that house. A two-bedroom house may just have one bathroom, but you can add another bathroom and a bedroom, and perhaps a little study.

At the moment, your husband's parents are not telling you to leave, but I am sure they will be happy to see both of you make progress. By progress, I mean to buy your own home. It is important for a man and his wife to work together, but some men are so very slow, that there are times when their wives have to push them.

You should tell your husband that you have been looking in the newspaper for houses that are available. You should call the National Housing Trust to ascertain where they are going to build new houses and have all the information to show your husband. When he says that you cannot afford to buy a house now, you can say, 'Yes, we can' and show him what is available.

Your husband and you are very fortunate to be living in a home and not paying rent. However, I hope that you are helping him to pay the utility bills. I will make another suggestion. Although your in-laws are not charging you rent, put money in an envelope and give to them. They may be reluctant in taking it, but insist that they do occasionally.

Pastor