Parents don’t approve of my poor boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am writing to you about a problem. I know that it is something that I must discuss with a counsellor, so that is why I have turned to you.

I grew up as a privileged individual. My parents are professionals. I always had more than enough to eat. I went to a popular high school and I did well. My friends are middle-class, if I can say that. Even at the church we attend, we are looked upon as special people and are respected. The priest and my parents are very good friends.

I am faced with a problem now, because I have found myself in love with a young man who comes from a poor household. He is not middle-class, but he has done well in school. My parents were surprised when I told them that I liked him. I invited him to our house for dinner and there was a little tension, but it did not last long. Listening to my boyfriend, you would never know that he is from the ghetto. I am aware that there is disparity in our background, but we are determined to make our relationship work.

I don't want to marry this guy just to satisfy my sexual needs, which are real. I want both of us to get married because we are in love. My parents don't ask me much about him, but I know they are concerned because he has nothing. He told me that he has nothing to bring to the table. I told him that I did not have anything, either. The only thing I have is myself and the love that we have for each other.

How do you see two people who are from such different backgrounds making it in a union, such as marriage? Please help us by giving us your advice.

J.M.

Dear J.M.,

I am going to answer you and tell you something one of my workers said to me, many years ago. She was a very intelligent and hard-working young woman.

She said she grew up with her grandmother. Her grandmother took care of her. One day, they were discussing a family matter and her grandmother said to her, "You should always stay in your league." I asked her to repeat what she said and she did, "Stay in your league." What the grandmother meant was, 'you can't go wrong if the choices you make are people who are in your class', so to speak. So the poor would stay with the poor and the middle class with the middle class, and the upper class with the upper class.

I cannot say I agree with her grandmother, but I cannot rule out what she said, either. Right now, there is tension in your house because you found love with this poor young man. Your parents would have been very happy if you had stepped up. But I am sure that if both of you genuinely love each other and respect each other, you can pull him up and both of you can have a wonderful family. So don't disrespect your parents, but stand firm and marry the man you love.

Pastor