Broke up with my idiot man

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of THE STAR and your column in particular, and I admire the way you deal with problems. I am a single mother of two children.

I was hoping to marry their father, but he had issues that I couldn't deal with. I always earned more than him, and he constantly said that was why I was talking down to him and pushing him around. With the help of relatives, I bought a town house. My husband did not have any money to assist with the down payment. I discussed the matter with my sister and my brother-in-law and they suggested that I purchase the house alone, because he didn't have any money and he has a child with another woman.

A LOAN

My sister and her husband loaned me $5 million to help me purchase the property. When this man found out, he raised a stink about it, and even implied that I had a sexual relationship with my brother-in-law. The man is so dark. He went to my father and complained. He didn't tell my father which man he was accusing me of cheating with. When I told my father he was talking about his son-in-law, he was shocked. So we broke up.

I am now seeing another guy, but I am not eager to get married. This man is divorced and is 48 years old. I never intended to have a relationship with a divorced man. He has his own home and is debt-free, and his two children are out of university. My children relate to him well, but his children don't say much to me. When I asked him why his children don't talk to me much, he said they are adults, so they do not have to talk to me if they don't want to. We are not planning to have children together.

Initial Withheld.

Dear Writer,

Your children's father is evidently not an intelligent man. There are some men, however, who are intimated by women who earn much more than they do.

They feel that when a man is earning more money than his spouse, it gives him power. But intelligent men don't allow that to bother them at all.

This man lost his mind when he accused you of having an affair with your brother-in-law because your brother-in-law and sister gave you a loan to purchase the property. He should have been glad that they were in a position to do so.

You were quite right to leave this man. He is not the type of man you would like to have as your husband. He behaved like a total idiot. I hope that you would see to it that he supports the two children that both of you have together.

Concerning this man with whom you are having a relationship, I suggest that if you love him, don't allow his age to hinder you from marrying him. You did not plan to have a relationship with a divorced person, but right now that is how it is working out. When the time is right, this man and you should undergo premarital counselling and move forward with your relationship. There will be time for the blending of the family. His children are much older than yours, but they will get to love your children. They will eventually reach out to them.

I wish this man and you the very best.

Pastor