My husband is a compulsive gambler

Dear Pastor,

This is not the first time I am writing to you. When I wrote to you first, I did not sign the letter because I was afraid. I was just a teenager. Now I am married and I have two children.

My children are doing well, but I am not happy with my marriage. My husband is very abusive. He uses foul words to me and the children. Sometimes my husband leaves the house, and for about two or three days we don't know where he is. He is a heavy gambler. Whenever I ask him where he was, he tells me he doesn't like any woman questioning him, and if he had died I would have heard.

I don't know what he does with his money apart from gambling it away. He does not have a bank account. This man is very fortunate. His children love him and his mother loves the two girls. She lives in America and she sends clothes and shoes for the girls. All my money goes to paying bills. We are fortunate that we don't have to pay rent. We are living in his mother's house. He is an only child and his mother told him that the house is willed to him, but I told him that if he had ambition, he would try to get another house. Sometimes I tell myself that I have made a mistake by marrying this man. I could have married someone else, but he was a womaniser, so I chose this man. The only thing left for him to do is to gamble his mother's house, but he cannot do so.

My husband cannot see that he has a problem. He says he does not drink and get drunk, neither is he on drugs, so there is no need for me to be worried about him. He curses my church all the time; yet, when he is feeling ill, he tells me to ask the church to pray for him. It is hard for me to understand him, because he tells his children to go to church, and he gives them offering every Sunday. If both of us should have an argument, he speaks on top of his voice and he uses expletives, including the 'f' word in the presence of the children.

H.L.

Dear H.L.,

Your husband is suffering from a gambling disorder. I am sure that it has crept up on him without him realising that something is wrong.

Now he thinks that it is normal for him to gamble every day. He does not understand that uncontrollable gambling makes one very poor. In gambling, one takes risks, and gamblers are always hoping to win the jackpot. People ask me whether the Bible says anything about gambling, and whether I can give them a verse to show them that it is wrong. I am unable to point out any particular scripture, but I know that it is wrong to gamble with the money that you should have to support your children, and your household in general.

Your husband is a compulsive gambler and he needs help. But it is not going to be easy to get him help, because he does not believe that anything is wrong with him. Some men have ruined their careers by gambling. Some were in good jobs and earned high salaries, but gambling took away all their money and they are now living as beggars. Some cannot even find money to buy groceries.

Don't give up on your husband. Try and talk to people you know he respects, and ask them to encourage him to get professional help by going to see a psychologist; his problem is not psychical, it is psychological.

Pastor