I want a father for my child

Dear Pastor

I hope all is well with you. I am a 25-year-old mother of two daughters. My elder daughter is eight years old. Her dad died when she was two. Even though he was a deadbeat father, I wanted her to meet him. I met another man when she was five months old. He was twice my age. He was abusive. Whenever we had an argument he would tell me to leave his house or he would hit me. However, he was nice to my daughter. He raised her until she was five years old.

My second babyfather was similar in nature. He used to curse me and my daughter, so I left him after two years. I sometimes do construction work, and whenever I'm not at work, I'm at home.

My sister has a bar. I worked with her for six months. I met a young man who is four years older than me. I told him that if he was not serious about me he should leave me alone. He said he was serious, so we started a relationship. Everything was going well until my sister's bar was robbed. I went back to my mother's home because they wanted to blame me for the robbery.

I observed that my boyfriend's attitude to me was changed; he ignored my texts and calls. One night I decided to visit him without giving him notice. When I reached the gate, I saw him sitting on the veranda. He had his phone in his hand. I called his number but he ignored the call. I then texted him and told him "I am looking at you right now". He looked around until he saw me. He didn't even move, he sat there and I texted him again and told him I have something for him so he should come for it because I'm going home.

I realised I was trying to make the relationship work, so I broke up with him. My daughter asked me for him and I told her the truth. She cried and said she liked him and wanted him to be her stepfather. She said she could at least have someone to call dad. I broke down and cried. I felt terrible because I didn't grow up with a dad either, and I wanted her to have a father figure. It seems to me that he found someone else, so he didn't care about me.

I don't know what to do because my daughter kept asking me to get a father for her but she doesn't understand it does not work like that.

What's your advice?

Distressed mom

Dear Distressed mom,

Your daughter is old enough to understand that this man has walked away from you. He is not as nice as he used to be. A man cannot be so busy that he cannot answer your calls or your text messages. You are right, he has another woman. You embarrass yourself by going to his house, but he showed you his true colours when he did not even let you in.

You are a very unfortunate woman when it comes to men. However, you are still young and you probably would meet someone who loves you and would care for you. I am sorry to hear that your sister's bar was robbed and that folks blamed you for what happened. You know that you are not to be blamed, so don't allow what was said to continue to get you down.

I wish you well. God will take care of you and God will take care of your children. My prayers are with you.

Pastor