Ex-boyfriend is stalking me

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 21 and I am in a relationship with a man who is 25. The relationship started out well, but now he wants to make me a slave.

I have been living with him for six months and I feel so trapped. He does not want me to go anywhere or to keep friends. He does not believe anything I say. I try to be honest with him, but sometimes I am forced to tell him a white lie.

One of my friends is living very close to us and he questions her about every movement we make. She has had to lie to him to save my skin. Now he says that I am having a relationship with my girlfriend's brother; nothing could be further from the truth. Her brother is only 17 and I don't want to have a younger man. I told my boyfriend that he must learn to be a man and not to question me about everything.

When we want groceries for the house, he said I should give him the list and he will buy what I want. He is a 'chicken back man' and I refuse to cook that for my Sunday dinner. This man can do much better than that. When I was leaving home to live with him, when I packed my bag, my grandmother told me that I should not leave because we didn't know much about this man. But if I went, I would still have my room at her house.

I told this man that I was leaving and he threatened me. I went back home and he has been calling me, begging me to come back, but I don't want to. I would rather stay with my poor granny and struggle with her. I got a job, and he came to my workplace and threatened me. He is stalking me. When I leave work, he wants to travel on the same bus with me. I don't know what to do with this man.

I come from a community and I know guys there who want me to accept them; one is the son of the area don. I don't like him, but he likes me. Just to get rid of this man, I said I would take him on. My girlfriend says I should not do it that way, because it will not be easy to shake him off. I don't know what to do and how to get rid of this man. I am not going back to him. Please help me.

H.L.

Dear H.L.,

Your grandmother was quite correct. You should not have gone to live with this man. You did not know him well. You have been forced to leave him because he did not treat you well.

You know nothing is wrong with eating chicken back, but surely, why should you have chicken back most of the time for your Sunday dinner? Why has he refused to give you money to do the shopping? This man did not want you to spend his money, and he was always accusing you of doing wrong.

I am glad that your grandmother was willing to take you back. I hope that this unfortunate experience will teach you to be much more careful in how you establish a relationship with a man. A good relationship is built on respect and trust. This man does not respect you, but he wants to continue to use you.

Try your best to get yourself a career. I am glad you got yourself a job; and I suggest that you talk to a lawyer and let him or her know that this man is stalking you. Perhaps the lawyer may suggest that you put a restraining order on him. He is out of order to even be coming to your workplace to harass you. You can never tell when this man will go crazy, so please talk to a lawyer.

Don't get involved with any man because you want his protection. That is not a wise thing to do.

Pastor