Cheated with my cousin... - Now I am pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I don't know what to do. I am 25 years old and the mother of two children. I have been struggling with them. The father tries his best. He does small-scale farming in the country. He gives me whatever he can and I respect him.

A couple months ago one of my cousins came to the house to visit me. I was glad to see him. He is one of the cousins I always liked. He sends me money from time to time. He once told me that if we were not cousins he would marry me. To tell you the truth, I told him that I would marry him, too. We laughed about it and left it there. He does not have children. He lives in America. He told me that he does not want to marry an American because he likes his Jamaican food.

I went to the USA to visit another family member. My cousin came and picked me up and took me shopping. I bought stuff for my two children and their father. We had dinner and he left. He told me that he would come back to see me, and he did. I could not get my cousin out of my mind, so I called him and asked him why was he taking so long to come back to see me. He said he had to work, but he would be off on a particular day.

When he came back to see me, he asked me if I would love to have anything more from the store. I told him that what I wanted from him he wouldn't give to me. He asked me what was that, and I told him that I was having sexual feelings for him. He told me that Satan was talking to me and I should remember that I have a man in Jamaica. I felt ashamed when he said that to me, but he held me in his arms and kissed me and led me into his bedroom, and it happened. He lives alone. I spent hours with him. Two days later, before I returned to Jamaica, I went back to his house and gave him a goodbye hug. We had sex again.

I am now crying because I am pregnant and it is not for my children's father, because we have not made love for about a month. I am thinking of having an abortion. I told my cousin that I am pregnant and I am going to do an abortion, and he said that I should do what I have to do. He said he is sorry for what has happened. I did not know I could love my cousin so much, but I have always loved him.

Do you think I should really have an abortion, or tell my children's father that somebody raped me and I did not report it? I would so much like to hear from you.

F

Dear F.,

You have admitted that you always liked your cousin and that he was always kind to you. He has sent you gifts and has assisted you with your children. He is a kind man, but you also say that your children's father has been trying his best to support his children. He is a good man. Your children's father trusts you. He allowed you to take a trip to the USA.

You used part of that trip to become sexually involved with your cousin. I have observed that he did not ask you for sex, you offered it to him. You wanted him to have sex with you. I know that there are women like you who ask men to have sex with them, and if the men refuse to do so, they curse them and tell them, perhaps they have gone the other side.

Your cousin reminded you that you have a man in Jamaica. Although you said you felt ashamed, you ended up in his bedroom and had sex with him. You did not have sex with him once, but you made sure that before you returned home you gave him a 'goodbye'.

Now that you have found yourself pregnant, you know who got you pregnant. It is surely not your children's father. Don't think of having an abortion; have your baby. It would do you no good to try to lie to your children's father about how you became pregnant.

I know that you are in a difficult position, but I cannot advise you to have an abortion. Your cousin doesn't care what you do, whether you keep the pregnancy or abort it. At least that is what he says now. Perhaps you may want to consider carrying the baby and giving it up for adoption. You will still have to decide how to tell your children's father who got you pregnant. I hope your children's father won't beat you up when he has come to realise that you are pregnant. Perhaps you should take the risk and tell him that you are pregnant. No one in the community has to know that he is not responsible for getting you pregnant. Both of you could keep this secret between yourselves.

Pastor