I’m dating my married boss

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the second time. When I was 20 I wrote to you telling you about my boyfriend who got my friend pregnant. I am now writing to you on a different matter.

I have been working in a certain company and the boss and I have been having a relationship. We have kept it as a secret, but his secretary is jealous of me.

His secretary and I had an argument over a simple matter and she said she would 'mash up my dolly pot'. I told her she couldn't do me anything. She called the wife of my boss and told her everything about this man and me. I denied everything and so did my boss. He told me if his wife wants to go she may go, but he is not leaving me.

This man means everything to me. He assists me in sending my children to school and he buys them clothes. I love him so much. I have never disrespected his wife. He said that I should not say anything to anybody, but he has a plan. He said that by the end of the year this girl will not be in the company. The girl is just jealous and bad mind.

The problem is his wife believes what this girl told her and she started to look into his phone. That is something that she never used to do. The fathers of my children can't walk in this man's shoes. I regret not knowing him before I had these two children.

I celebrated my birthday in May and this man bought me a ticket to fly to Miami to visit one of my sisters. He also gave me US$500 as pocket money. I don't deserve these things.

I used to see him every Saturday. Sometimes he tells his wife that he is going to see his friends and play dominoes. That was his favourite excuse for him to come and look for me. Now he has to be finding another way to get out of the house because whenever his wife sees him getting dressed, she would ask him where he thinks he is going.

Sometime when I see this girl sitting at her desk, I feel like I would grab her hair and thump her up. What do you think I can do? I know that I would be fired from my job if I assault her, but she needs to mind her own business.

A.

Dear A.,

You are behaving as if you have a right to this man. I could understand that you love him and that he loves you, but you don't have any legal right to him. Your letter reminds me of a song I used to hear: 'If loving you is wrong I don't want to be right.'

Your boss' secretary has a motive for telling his wife about you and the love affair that you had with this man. This man loves his wife dearly and that is why he did not admit to her that both of you are having an affair. Some men have affairs, but they try their very best to protect their marriages. Although this man said to you that if his wife wants to go, she may go, I doubt that he meant what he said. Perhaps he said that to you to make you feel special.

Your boss has spent lots of money on you, but you must not behave as if you are his wife. Please, don't encourage him to fire his secretary. Learn to control yourself and remember not to say anything negative about his wife. If you don't keep quiet, you might be the one who would be fired.

Pastor