Fighting the temptation to have sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend. We are Christians, but I am having challenges. He is 23 and he told me that he has been having sex from he was 15.

When he started to have sex, his mother found out and warned him about interfering with girls; and his father said, "He is a boy and boys have to explore."

He and I have been fooling around, but I have never had sex with him; he respects my position. We always try to make time for each other. We do heavy petting, and I don't want to stop because it makes me feel good. My older sister and I talk about what I am experiencing. She is 20 and she got married six months ago. She admitted that she had sex a number of times before she got married.

My boyfriend has a specific oil that he bought and he rubs it on my shoulder and ears. He licks my neck and my ears and it makes me go crazy. He does not stop unless I try to pull away. Sometimes I have an orgasm. My sister said that she has never had an orgasm from her husband unless he touches her vagina; but not so with me. My boyfriend feels around my ears and neck as if he wants to eat them. I am wondering if I should continue to allow him to play with them.

My boyfriend drives a car and that's where we used to misbehave. My sister told me that whenever we need a place by ourselves, we can come to her house and she will give us privacy because they have a spare room, and no children. I am scared to take up the offer because we may go too far and end up having sex. I have been playing around with his penis, but he has never forced me to have sex with him. My sister told me that it was better for us to get married than to punish ourselves the way we are doing.

I am attending university. I would like to finish my studies before we get married; but I don't want to get pregnant. I know a girl who loves my boyfriend. She would be glad if he stops seeing me. Many times when we are together, she calls him and he tells her that he is with me. He said that he has told her many times that he loves me, and he does not want to have two women at the same time. He has also admitted that they had sex, but it was because I was a virgin why he has not pressured me for sex. It feels good to be loved by this man. I do not want to lose him. He buys me nice things, including a lovely chain for Valentine's Day.

Is engaging in petting wrong and sinful? My parents would not want me to get married now. What do you think, Pastor?

G.L.

Dear G.L.,

This young man and you are Christians and you do not have to ask me my opinion in this matter. You know what you are doing now is heavy petting, and heavy petting can lead to sexual intercourse.

Both of you know that very well. You enjoy what this man is doing to you because you can always excuse yourself by saying you have never had sex. This young man and you are playing with fire and one of these days, he will go further than fooling around your erogenous zones. If both of you have privacy, you will give yourself over to him, and when he is through with you, he may tell you that he was sorry, but that is life.

You asked your big sister about what she had to go through and what she told you was not helpful. I am not here to condemn you at all, but I am here to say stop the heavy petting because danger is at your door.

Pastor